And You Could Hear a Pin Drop...

The silence was deafening. Somebody I hadn't heard from in awhile called to say that she loved my jewelry and maybe she would buy my earrings made from violet leaves in the future, and then asked about Carmella. I told her we still hadn't found a vet to do the procedure and that I hadn't been able to get a return call from Dr. Norwood about exactly what happened regarding UGA. She didn't have much to say about that, just that she didn't "want her to suffer" and asked if she was. I said sometimes but that she plays when she isn't jerking, and that the rest of her body seems healthy. There was something ominous about her statement, and then she just went back to saying, "I really like your jewelry. I'm still working. I have to go" leaving me feeling like I'd taken a short walk off a long pier.
My mind wandered, following that thread and it seemed to go involuntarily to places I didn't want it to go. I'd pull it back but then it seemed to slip back into playing scenes that had not happened yet, as if I were in a movie and every scene was one I didn't want. I'd yell, "Cut!" and somehow it just kept going like some horrible out-of-control flashback, only it was forsight, not hindsight.

I have been known to foresee things so I worried this could be a bad premonition rather than some trick of the mind after not enough sleep, and too much stress.

I took Carmella out into the back yard and stood out there with her and she seemed not to be suffering then, even though she stumbled and fell a few times while running, but the bad scenes that kept playing in my head cast an eerie tinge juxtaposed against her seeming normalcy. It was like a broken record. The day was too quiet and being by myself didn't help matters. I told myself that Caroline's implication was ridiculous and I should take it with a grain of salt.

Nevertheless it kept intruding into my consciousness even as I played with Carmella and took more pictures of her, and I couldn't keep from crying because I knew if I ever dared entertain such a thing I'd hate myself for the rest of my life, and that led me to an even darker place I really didn't want to venture into. I resolved to close that door and take another angle. It was not up to the arm chair quarterbacks and nothing was inevitable!

It made me angry to think that this idea was so socially acceptable whereas doing this procedure that can cure an animal was not. How twisted our culture is, I thought.

If these vets really do not want animals to suffer, I thought, then why do they just sit there and refuse them lifesaving treatment? Dr. Johnson, leading a speeding frieght train of negligence could have instead ended both Carmella's and my suffering weeks ago if he had not dug his heels in and refused to help. So could UGA, Tuskegee, Dr. T, and the female neuro vet I'd contacted here in Atlanta, and so could Dr. Brantly... the caboose. This prolonged agony could all be over and Carmella and I could be on to happier times by now, rid of this dark cloud forever.

I called the vet's office in Perry, my last Ace in the hole, and hoped for the best. A young woman answered and I explained to her that I had e-mailed this vet, Dr. Westmoreland a few days ago and had not heard back. I told her that I was running out of options, so I hoped he could help us because even UGA wouldn't help. She was nice but said that the doctor left early on Fridays and that he was already gone until Monday. I asked if there was any way she could contact him before Monday so that by Monday he would have been sure to read my whole story and be familiar with the case, and she said she'd try to get a message to him. I was still crying.

"I'm sorry, it's just that I'm really upset. Nobody will help my dog and she's getting worse, and I'm running out of options here. I think my own vet is giving up on her. He's not even returning my calls after he heard the bad news from UGA."

"It's OK, I understand. Could I get your name and number and I'll see if I can reach him?"

I gave it to her, thanked her, and we got off the phone.

After that I lay down to try to rest or sleep and that seemed to help.

There was mail in the mailbox when I walked down the steep driveway to the bottom of the hill. It was mostly junk mail, but there was a letter from my pet insurance company. I really didn't think they'd cover much at all, but when I opened it I was pleasantly surprised. They reimbursed me for quite a chunk of the costs, and as I'd already written and mailed off a check for $300 toward the bill earlier today, the reimbursement check I received today meant I would get the balance paid down alot sooner than I thought. There may be more expenses to come, especially if it takes very much longer to find someone to do the procedure, so I can't sit on my laurels just yet, but this is a relief! It came at a time when I was just about at the end of my rope.

I went out with a friend briefly this evening and came home to find that Carmella had chewed a hole in the bottom of her dog bed. It was starting to get a little small for her anyway, so maybe I'll look for a larger and more durable one for her. The pillows she hasn't messed with, but the bottom of what they fit into is a rather thin plastic material.

Tomorrow I will start looking for some media sources through which to get this story out to more vets. If we can take care of that central detail then things just might start falling into place afterall.

http://Giftbearer.etsy.com/

Freefalling Without a Net!

I knew something didn't feel right this morning. Last night I was up until around 5:00 AM knowing I'd have to work overtime to see that Carmella gets the help she needs. I couldn't sleep, knowing that that "thing" was eating away at her white matter each day she goes without the shot of NDV into the spinal canal. Not hearing from Dr. Norwood Friday and not hearing back yesterday had me fearing the worst.

It seemed as though the receptionists weren't rushing to have him call me back and were just nonchallantly telling me they'd "give him the message". I had the surreal feeling that I was the only one in the world who understood how urgent this was becoming. The vet's office seemed to be operating as if it were just another routine day, and something about that seemed very odd and left me with an uneasy feeling.

I told Gwen, the office manager that the e-mail address they'd given me the other day was coming back undeliverable, and read it to her off the card, and she told me that someone had put a dot where there shouldn't have been one. I changed it, and told her to please have Dr. Norwood call me because Carmella needed to get in to UGA as soon as possible now that she was worse. She reiterated that she'd "give him the message", and it felt more like a brush-off than a promise. I was not holding my breath.

Wondering if I was crazy (but for only about 30 seconds) her seeming lack of concern was incongruent with the current circumstance. No, of course I'm not crazy, I thought, snapping back to reality! This is like a nightmare... only it's real. All too real, and there's no waking up and saying, "Phew, I'm glad this isn't really happening and Carmella's here safe and sound, just a bad dream". I've read the biochemistry, seen the symptoms worsening with my own eyes, and so has Dr. Norwood. It would be all too convenient to write this off as my being an hysterical dog owner worried about nothing. That was last week's tactic, but it didn't fly then and it doesn't now in the face of even more obvious disease-progression. No, that would be the chicken's way out for the Dr. Do-Nothings of the world. Something was up surely as fish rots and leaves a tell-tale stench.

After returning from the Post Office and buying a few things at the grocery store, I just wanted to go home. I passed up most of my shopping list because I just didn't feel much like eating...ever again. Carmella's restlessness seemed to rub off on me and I just couldn't feel OK no matter what I did, like having a bee stuck inside your pants leg, unable to get it out. I think I would have enjoyed the trip out more if a friend had been there with me, but the solitude only intensified my sense of being alone with what seemed like an insurmountable problem.

The paratransit van came late to pick me up and I made a mental note that I was right to have forgone the ice cream, as a woman with blotched arms with a metal folding cart approached the driver as I boarded the vehicle and asked if she would please let her ride with her because her ice cream was melting. Her liftvan was late too, and the driver muttered something under her breath about not helping her if she was going to curse her out, not meant for her to hear. The other passenger was not cursing her out or even raising her voice, just merely saying that they needed to take it into consideration when people go to the grocery store and have no other transportation that they need to pick them up on time so food won't go to waste. It sounded like a legitimate gripe to me. The driver apologized to her and told her she couldn't, that she had to take me home and then pick up someone else right after. The woman with the folding cart was not happy when told it would be 15-20 more minutes she'd have to wait for her scheduled vehicle to get to her. I am very aware of these problems, as I belong to an organization that is trying to improve Atlanta's transit system for people with disabilities (but that story will have to wait for another day).

I returned home and let Carmella out into the back yard. She was enjoying the sun and chewing on sticks and pine cones as usual. It got pretty hot out there and as she ran around she started panting with a long tongue in proportion to her rather short snout. She looked rather comical, so I decided to go get the camera and take some more pictures. Here she is viciously attacking a weed.

As I wasn't fully satisfied with the pictures I'd taken of my last three pairs of new earrings, I took more of those too, perching them on branches and leaves, and on the pinestraw, making use of the bright sunlight.

Carmella was ready to come inside in about an hour, starting to jerk even standing on her feet, and so I took some more pictures of her in the livingroom and bedroom while she rested and got some really great perspectives. Then as I was editing a really good one, the phone rang. It was the male vet tech, Arudis, from Dr. Norwood's office. I hoped he was calling to tell me that UGA wanted Carmella to come in, but from the sound of his voice I could tell the news was not good.

"Dr. Norwood wanted me to call and tell you that UGA said they won't do it."

I felt like an hourglass with sand leaking out of a hole in the bottom. I tried my best to plug it up and keep the sand from escaping, but it seemed inevitable. "Oh no! What did they say? Why?"

"I don't know. Dr. Norwood didn't tell me. He just said they told him no. He left early but asked me to call you. He can tell you the details when he gets back tomorrow. You can call him and talk further."

"Will he be in all day?"

"Yes."

"I've been really worried about Carmella over the weekend because her jerking is still getting worse. Now what are we going to do?"

"I don't know. You'll have to talk to him about that."

I had fleeting images in my head of a dead dog in the road with cars driving by. His demeanor, like Gwen's, was a little too nonchallant. He seemed disconnected as though he felt nothing at all about the news.

No sooner had I gotten off the phone and gone back to editing the current picture of Carmella, I burst into tears. Her face seemed to stare back at me, pleading for help. I couldn't bear to look at it anymore, so I turned off Photoshop for the time being.

This horrible verdict had been handed down just as casually as if I'd been told that fries at McDonalds were a dollar forty-nine. I wondered why Dr. Norwood couldn't have called me himself.

I wrote Dr. Sears to tell him, and then decided to write Dr. Brantly. I remembered that he had said that if she'd been worse he would have done it. Well, now she is. In my e-mail I begged him to do the procedure, explained that there was only one more vet I knew of to ask and he hadn't responded. I asked what it would take for him to do this, and asked if he could arrange to get the dog-based serum from the vet he knew was using it in the body of dogs in Alabama. I told him I didn't know who else to turn to. Everyone I'd asked had said no and was just standing there while my dog got worse and worse. Carmella was in the kitchen in her bed having tremors and jerking, and again I worried that she might have a full-blown seizure.

My head was starting to hurt so I couldn't stay on the computer much longer. I must have cried for about 3 hours straight and so I took something for the headache and went to lie down hoping I'd either fall asleep or find something on TV to distract myself from the agony that had descended upon me like a heavy blanket.

I called my best friend and told her what had happened. She agreed that Dr. Brantly was worth a try since he had almost agreed to it in the beginning, and she and I brainstormed some ideas about what to do next. Tomorrow I'll call his office and see if I can get him to listen and re-evaluate the situation given Carmella's worsened condition.

Later, I took Carmella out of the kitchen to spend some time with her. I sat on the floor of the computer room to pet her and she started chewing on me again. The more I observed her behavior the more it appeared as if her reaction to being near me was an issue of overstimulation because when I tried to hold her mouth closed to keep her from poking holes in my skin and tried to hold her still, the more she struggled. Some puppies would have eventually stopped and just curled up in my lap, but she seemed to struggle almost as if her life was in danger. She really went berserk! This makes me wonder if her nerve endings are oversensitized due to demyelination. If my hand is anywhere near her, especially her face she seems to have a compulsion to gnaw on it, not aggressively, but defensively. I can hardly ever pet her anymore without her doing this. She also gets more riled up when I say, "No!" to get her to stop biting on me. She has sort of a startle reaction, not fear, but as if she can't stand the intensity of the voice or touch when I hold her away from me to keep her from chomping down or even trying to hold her on my lap. Ignoring her doesn't work so well either, or putting my hands behind my back. She'll try to pinch some flesh on my upper arm if she can't get my hands, feet, or pants leg. Bribing her with a dog treat to sit and lie down only works the first 2 times if at all when she's like this and then she takes a run at me again. I used to train dogs when I worked for a dog breeder, so most of these tactics I've mentioned work on other dogs, but so far the only thing that works (only sometimes) is to pretend to be another dog and put her on her back and pin her down by the neck briefly. This doesn't hurt the dog, but is often a last resort when nothing else will work. Sometimes I have to do this 3 times to get her to stop. Sometimes she stops completely and other times just pauses, then tries again. Wolves pin others in the pack down by the neck to establish dominance with other wolves and dogs do it during play with other dogs. The fact that this last method doesn't always keep her stopped makes me think that she might have problems with her short-term memory and possibly also impulse-control.

Sometimes the only thing I can do is put her by herself to get her to calm down. If she takes a nap she wakes up in a calmer state of mind and will come over and lick me under the chin (which is a submissive gesture), or she'll sit in my lap and allow me to snuggle her.

Earlier today she chewed two good-sized holes in my blue blanket. Luckily that one was not expensive, but I really have to watch her if I let her lie on my bed so she doesn't try to chew the thick comforter underneath.

Last night a very helpful Etsy seller suggested putting a donation widget on my blog, so I got that set up. If you can't buy jewelry but would still like to do something to help with Carmella's medical expenses there is now a way to do that on this blog through my paypal account! Go to the box to your right in the sidebar that says "Please Donate to Carmella" and click the little box where it says "Make" below. The little Paypal logo is not showing up but it should still work. I got the bill today from Care Credit and boy is it a whopper! The sooner I get that paid off the better. Your help is much appreciated. Carmella and I thank you!

http://Giftbearer.etsy.com/

Eyes On The Prize

Yesterday was a mix of joy and agony. Our plight continues to find the vet who can and will treat Carmella's Central Nervous System.

After two weeks of this increase in jerking and seeing Dr. Brantly in the interrum, we went to Dr. Norwood's office at 4:30. Felicia was happier than I've ever seen her, smiling and even came out from behind the counter to pet and play with Carmella. It had really sunk in just how much a miracle her treatment with the shot of NDV was for her body, and it seemed that the entire staff was in a festive mood. They all commented on how beautiful she was and how much she'd changed. She now weighs 24 LBS. Only two weeks ago she was just 18 LBS.

Once we'd been put in a room, the female vet tech came in (I can't remember her name, but she is the best one). She asked me if I had had any luck with Dr. Brantly doing the procedure and I said that I thought he was going to do it, but he changed his mind, but that we're still looking. She understood the ramifications of all this, and although happy with the results in the body, knew she was not through yet with what needed to be done in order for the cure to be complete. She commented to another assistant standing in the doorway that this dog was a miracle, beaming from ear to ear.

Dr. Norwood came in and started checking Carmella's reflexes, looked into her eyes, and saw her walk down the hall. She did pretty well, but stumbled at the end once when coming back to the room.

Carmella was in almost constant motion and we had to get her to calm down before he would see the jerking. Eventually she stayed still enough that it started up again and he definitely saw it.

He told me that he'd had no luck with Tuskegee, and was getting pessimistic about whether any of these Universities would help unless they were already doing studies on Distemper. He was still very mousey about calling them and said he'd do it but it could turn out to be another dead end and he couldn't promise anything.

"Like with Dr. Johnson, I can't make them do it."

"Well just make an empassioned plea, show them all that you've documented about her success from the NDV in the body, and advocate as if it were your own mother who was sick and needed treatment."

At this point there were no other real prospects on the table, so I figured this had at least as much chance as anything we've already tried. Up until now we'd just been approaching private practice vets. If this is still considered "experimental" then so be it; we'd just take her somewhere where they do experimental work. Seeing as that UGA is considered one of the best veterinary schools in the Southeast, they should be able to handle this. We just need to get them to try.

Dr. Norwood seemed to be angling at cutting our losses and just going with the partial cure (what we'd gotten in the body).

"The myoclonis could be permanent damage to the myelin and white matter, just residual effects of the disease."

"If that were the case then it wouldn't be increasing over time."

"We could give her Klonazapam, a veterinary version of an anti-seizure drug used in humans." I already knew what it was. Both myself and my son had taken it in the past for our seizures.

"The point is, that if the virus got into the CNS, which it would have to in order to cause that damage, then being in such an enclosed area it would still be present. To assume it's no longer there would just be guessing".

Dr. Norwood was rationalizing to make all the rejections by all the vets we'd appraoched easier to swallow. Maybe for him it would be easier to tell himself that the job was complete, but the idea of leaving this to the imagination and then ending up with worse problems down the road because we made the wrong assumption didn't sit well with me and it didn't make sense based on the biochemistry of the disease.

The CNS is a veritable fortress, and with good reason. It protects the most vital part of the body, the brain; the control tower on which all other function depends. An infection with the deadly Distemper virus is not something you want to leave sealed up for eternity in a dog's head, on a gamble that it will have mercy and not do any further damage. You can hide from it, reframe it, pretend it's not there, and remove yourself from watching its ravages, but it doesn't change the truth. Either it's there or its not. Once it gets in it doesn't just decide its had enough and go away. It's stuck in there and can adapt, hide, and mutate. It gets in via the lungs by piggybacking onto cells that already are able to cross the blood-brain barrier, but it cannot leave the same way it came.

By the end, Dr. Norwood had to admit that the only way to isolate and be sure to eradicate the virus would be to do a spinal tap. He said that UGA would want to do their own tests and probably wouldn't accept his, and it would involve spending more money. I replied that if they ended up doing the procedure then it would be worth it, and besides, if she does have permanent damage the neuro vets there would be the ones to do imaging tests to find any lesions that are there and assess the extent of the damage. If we want to weed out what is damage and what is active disease that's the way to do it.

Dr. Norwood agreed to try again to call UGA's referral coordinator the next day but had been unable to get through the day I came in.

I was up until around 5:00 AM this morning and was too desolate to post an update, and my muscles were starting to ache so I went to bed.

Dr. Norwood was in with a patient when I called this afternoon. Gwen, the office manager took a message that I was asking about the referral to UGA and said she'd have him call back, but he didn't.

I hope he's not wimping out when we need his support the most. When it's all done there will be time to celebrate, congratulate and let our guard down, but until then we are still on high alert. Failure is not an option. Carmella's life may depend upon our level of endurance and ability to go the full nine yards. Perhaps UGA's symbol; the Bulldog, should be our guiding example.

http://Giftbearer.etsy.com/

Some Good News and Some Bad News

Just when I though things couldn't get any worse...they did. Things were looking up and I was finally able to turn off my hypervigilance long enough to make a new pair of hoop earrings.

Then I called Dr. Norwood's office to see whether he'd put in the referral to UGA and the other receptionist, Jocelyn got him to the phone. Dr. Norwood seemed unsure of himself when it came to talking to UGA about the need for Carmella to have this treatment and he wasn't sure whether they would be interested in a cure for Distemper, and maybe even less in trying it on one dog, even if it was going to save her life. The line between who does research and who does treatment in veterinary medicine is very fuzzy and nobody seems to be sure who is responsible for what. On one hand UGA might not do the treatment unless it already fell under a study they had planned, on the other, private practice vets won't do this because they consider it research. So where does that leave Carmella?

Dr. Norwood expressed frustration at "irresponsible owners" out there who don't spay and neuter their dogs and don't have them vaccinated, and when I said to him that even if most people did that then what are those who are currently infected supposed to do. They and the owners who are good owners should not be penalyzed for the actions of others, and the focus of vaccines and prevention left dogs like Carmella absolutely out in the cold. Also, I'm not so sure that the systemic/societal problem can be explained so simply as being due to "irresponsible dog owners", especially in this bad economy in which many are falling on hard times through no fault of their own. I wouldn't be surprised whether some dogs are not being vaccinated because their owners are in foreclosure or were laid off and they have to choose whether to pay vet bills or pay to move so they themselves don't become homeless and hungry. Whether the people who are not doing those things are irresponsible or not, the dogs did nothing to deserve being left up a creek without a paddle, and they deserve to be cured if they get sick.

As for Carmella, she could not be more loved or taken care of, and as much as I think it was wrong for the shelter I got her from to conceal that she was sick, the course of events did result in getting her a good owner and me, a great dog! I don't know if there are very many people who would go through this with her and had she ended up with someone else she may have been killed the first week as soon as they realized there was something more serious than kennel cough wrong with her. I have always believed that my finding her was divinely guided and that things happened to bring us together at just the right time.

Dr. Norwood related that it was a tough week and that three people had dropped dogs off on his office doorstep which he took home with him for lack of any other place to put them. He was going to try to find homes for them through the office first, and he'd found a home for one little poodle already, but the other two were going to be less desireable and a harder sell. He said that on occasion he had to take dogs to "animal control", that many times the no-kill shelters were full and would not take even one more.

While we were talking about the under-reporting/diagnosing of Distemper he made the statement that "animal control has its place". I disagree with that and I think it is a barbaric way for humans to deal with animals they don't know what to do with, and the killing of such animals for our convenience as a species is the ultimate in irresponsibility. Furthermore, I don't like when shelters refer to that as euthanasia because in reality it's not, and it implies that we humans are doing it to "put them out of their misery", when often the real misery is in the reality that nobody wants them and they are disposed of like heaps of garbage, nobody caring that they have feelings, that they breathe, eat, and drink, and they can love. Many dogs are put to death that are salvageable, either with nothing wrong with them or something that can be fixed. Imagine if every time we got a cold or the flu, or cancer (God forbid) the determination was made to kill us because it was costing too much in resources or nobody wanted to give us medical care. If that were legislated into law for humans you can imagine the public outrage that would ensue, the letter-writing, the demonstrations, even riots!

Carmella is stuck in a no-man's land and I told Dr. Norwood that waiting for each vet to make up his mind while she has to have "supportive care" in the meantime to maintain her "living with" the disease is more costly than if they'd have just treated her when I first asked them to. He said that most private practice vets were "bleeding hearts" and could not live with their conscience if something went wrong. He thought that was even more of a factor than their fear of liability. That just doesn't hold water because if most vets in private practice were that paralyzed from taking any action that could result in a dog's accidental death or injury then why don't they take the same position each time they are asked to do surgery? Every time an animal is put under general anesthesia he/she could die, and he/she could die from the procedure itself, or suffer complications, say for instance open heart surgery, traumatic injuries to internal organs that must be repaired, and a number of other medical procedures.

To me the risk/benefit analysis in this instant is a no-brainer: If they treat her Central Nervous System there is some risk involved, but if they don't they can almost guarantee with 100% accuracy that she will get worse, and eventually die of it. If something happened (and I sure hope it won't), but if it did, then at least they would not have sat around waiting for her to die because they didn't even try to save her. Doing nothing to save her is definitely worse. How could Doctor do-nothing vets like the ones who are able to do this procedure but merely chose/choose not to (and they know who they are) have a clear conscience just because they can say they did nothing to "actively" cause her death or possible harm. That is a rationalization if I ever saw one! Just a trick of the mind, a re-write of morality of sorts. It is no better than to wittness a car accident and to stand there not calling 911 while a man or woman bleeds to death, or even more to the point, if the wittness was a doctor and failed to do CPR or provide help that he had the knowledge and skill to provide in an emergency.

It is the same type of mind-set that allows women to be beaten by their abusive and violent husbands, children to be molested and raped, and allows corrupt judges and government officials to just keep on breaking the law with no consequences ever applied to them. Once we become a society built on excuses and expending more energy on new and creative ways to avoid doing, rather than on ways to do the most we can do to make the world a better place, we lose our humane-ness and our humanity completely.

Carmella's neurological disease-progression is like an evil weed that won't stay hidden from view and it dawned on Dr. Norwood as we were on the phone that this "every vet for himself", passing the buck stuff could not continue or it would be Carmella (and me) who would pay the price. As much as he blanched at the thought of approaching UGA or having to take a strong stand in the face of an industry that just didn't want to hear it, buck up he must. There is an emergency brewing and this could be put off no longer. Gone were the days that he could console himself with the thought that "maybe" she wouldn't get worse. He asked whether Dr. Sears could talk to UGA because he himself didn't know anybody there and he theorized that they wouldn't listen to his opinion because he was not as familiar with the biochemistry as Dr. Sears is, and is certainly no expert. He seemed to worry that he wouldn't come across as if he knew his stuff when faced with these board certified neuro vets from a school like UGA.

Then he said that maybe he could think of somebody at Tuskegee, his Alma Mator, then once she was treated and showing signs of recovery her case could be presented as the impetus for some of these vet schools to do clinical trials on this cure.

I came away from the conversation with renewed hope that maybe finally something would work out in the end.

Then soon after, I found out that I don't have a way to get there. I thought how ironic it would be if the one person who would and could do this injection turned out to be a vet at Tuskegee and then of all F'ing things I had no way to get there. Bear in mind that because of a disability I can no longer drive. I had to stop years ago because I was having accidents, each more serious than the one before. Greyhound does not allow dogs, and from what I've been able to deduce the closest airport is 42.3 miles away (Montgomery Dannelly Fld Airport) and it's a small one, not even on most of the airfare sites, so even so, it looks as if one would have to access at least 42.3 miles by car any way you slice it. I was able to find the nearest hotel (only a little more than a mile from the University), and by today's standards it's not bad, but it's still not cheap! So if that is where Carmella's answer lies it's going to take alot more money, and then someone who could pick me and possibly a friend up at the airport. I was shocked to find that the lowers faires were over $500 for what amounts to about an hour-long airplane ride. It's not like we'd be traceling to California! That is almost a month's income for me when I'm not making any sales.

I went online to see if there were any organizations that might be able to help and did find a few that say they help with vet expenses but I don't know if that applies also to getting there for specific treatment or just covers the treatment itself. That is what I'll be working on tomorrow. Then Carmella goes to see Dr. Norwood at 4:30 so that he can document her worsened condition. Hopefully by then we will find out if he's had any luck with any of the vets at Tuskegee. If that's a no-go, then we can go back to persuing UGA although he wasn't sure if they'd be interested since he has never gotten a call for research subjects on anything to do with Distemper. He just may need to talk to Dr. Sears again and take notes that he can use when he talks to the referral coordinator. This is one of those "feel the fear and do it anyway" situations. I've been doing that all along. Now it's some other people's turns.

If you would like to do something to help Carmella please take a look at my Etsy store, make a purchase and help save a dog.

http://Giftbearer.etsy.com/

It's a Rainy Day In Georgia...Feels Like it's Raining All Over The World

The constant ooze from the sky seems to match what's been going on for the past couple of days. A heaviness has settled upon this house, and as Carmella and I hunker down inside, little drafts come in all the cracks, the linolium floor barren and tracked with flecks of mud, and pieces of saturated leaves scattered about from our recent walk. Neither of us wanted to go far, making a hasty retreat from the grey light which permeated our very beings. She was glad to be finished with her bathroom activities and return to the kitchen. It almost feels like the beginning of winter.

Carmella's restlessness of the previous few days gave way to a silent gnawing tension, much as a man on death row might feel awaiting the electric chair. She did not make a move to chew on her rawhide stick, but lay down in her bed which she'd turned upside down, sprawled out and looking up at me like, "Now what?" Her right leg and shoulder jerked perceptibly as if programmed by some external remote control. She seemed almost used to it by now, nevertheless understanding the gravity of the course which lay ahead. On some level she knew that she had crossed some line in the sand and there was no turning back now for either of us.

Setting my sights on UGA I placed another call to try to verify whether I'd sent the e-mail yesterday to Dr. Schatzberg's correct e-mail address, and still the front desk staff was not sure. I was transferred to the Small Animal Clinic and spoke with a woman there about Carmella's situation and the treatment she needs, and asked whether Dr. Schatzberg was on vacation. She said he was there but just wasn't on clinic duty this week and that the three neuro vets employed there take turns rotating one week each at a time. She said that if the e-mail did not come back then he probably got it but if he didn't answer then it was probably because he got so many he couldn't get to all of them. She recommended I have my vet contact the referral coordinator and said that we could most likely find out whether they could do it before we drove all the way out there when Dr. Norwood spoke with them by phone.

I then called Dr. Norwood, and Felicia, one of the receptionists, answered the phone. I explained that Carmella's jerking was getting worse and that she needed to get the referral to UGA as soon as possible. She told me Dr. Norwood was in with a patient and did not seem to want to take down the phone and fax for the referral coordinator, but I insisted, figuring that his getting it from me later would just take extra time. I told her that they close for the day in one hour, and she said that she didn't know whether he could call them by then. I asked her to have him call me before he left.

In all, I called 4 times today, and 3 out of those 4 he was in with a patient, and the 4th time they'd put the answering machine on indicating that they had closed. My heart sank.

I wrote Dr. Sears to update him on the events of the past few days and to let him know we were going to try UGA, and asked if he could possibly put together a list of references; vets who had used this treatment either for the body or in the CNS, so that we have something organized to show them with which to make our case (if we need it). I take nothing for granted after seeing how many vets have turned us down so far.

A sudden sleepiness came over me while I paradoxically thought about the fact that I really need to make some more jewelry. Although I'd like to, I'm not sure I can stay awake much longer.

I'm still going through alot of existing inventory and listing/renewing jewelry, so if you see anything you like for yourself or for someone on your gift list, please make a purchase and help a puppy.

With love and action, all things are possible.

http://Giftbearer.etsy.com

Strike Two! Still Waiting...

I gave it till around 3:00 pm today before checking my e-mail to see whether there was any word from the Board Certified female neuro vet located in Sandy Springs. Nothing, so I decided to call her. Surprisingly she herself picked up the phone. Hoping this was a good sign I proceeded to introduce myself and ask if she'd received my e-mail and she said,

"Yes, you're the one who wants the injection in the dog's CNS."

"Can you do it?"

"No, I couldn't" she said through what sounded like a heavy Asian accent of some kind. "I would have to see studies, or citations or something."

"He's tried and tried to publish, but they won't let him in", I said. "You can talk to him yourself. I have his number and e-mail address."

"That is not sufficient" she remarked blithely, as if blowing away a puff of smoke from a cigarette.

Was is really that easy to just turn one's back and walk away? Apparently for her it was all in a day's work. Right away I sensed she'd go home tonight and not miss a moment of sleep over Carmella, and then came that big cop-out, that ever-familiar, convenient rationalization.

"Dogs don't always progress. She might not? Maybe." It was more of a question than a statement, a futil and impotent attempt to veil her own inadequacy.

"Well she already has started to. This morning I took her out and the jerking was happening this time as she was standing on her leg. That didn't happen before, and this time it was pretty major. She had to lift up her paw several times."

Almost immediately, the vet started talking over me as if she believed if she drowned out the truth with her own voice that somehow absolved her of her guilt. Like a baby hiding behind a blanket, she told herself that the problem didn't exist because she didn't see it.

"You can bring her in, but I can't do it. It would be unethical." Bring her in and do what? I thought. Give her Phenobarbital to mask the problem, give her a valium to relax her while she slowly deteriorates and dies? So that you can lie to yourself and pretend you're helping her? So that you can charge me another $75.00 for an office visit just to refuse in-person what you have over the phone and deny her the one thing that will kill the virus and save her life? Hell no! I thought, enraged at the ludicrousy of the moment. "Unethical" my ruby red one! You want to know what's unethical? Unethical is when you have the training and the skills to save a life but you choose not to. Unethical is letting a dog twist in the wind while a deadly virus slowly shuts down every brain function one-by-one, stripping her myelin from each nerve like the shucking of the outer covering of a bundle of telephone wires with a wire-cutter! Unethical is letting fear for your own ass decide how you practice medicine instead of compassion for a living thing!

"How is that unethical? I have pictures of her improvement from the first shot already?"

"She's not even my patient".

You're right, I thought, and she won't ever be either with that attitude.

"You should really have a University work with her, not a private practice vet. There's a vet at UGA who knows alot about Distemper, not Marc Kent, not Platt..."

I looked at my list of Board Certified neuro vets. "Dr. Scott Schatzberg?"

"Yes, that's it, Schatzberg. Ask him. He should know whether the treatment you are seeking has any merit."

Her statement left me cold. I didn't need someone to tell me whether it has merit. I've seen it! So I'm expected to leave my brain and all my senses at the door? Obviously if it's never been published it's less likely he would have heard about it unless he'd heard by word of mouth.

Soon we got off the phone after she wished me "good luck" with my dog, and suddenly I was crying. Yea right, I thought. Good luck. The expression had a sardonic sound to it. Knowing that good luck is really what people do and does not just magically appear I was not about to fall for that one. It has routinely become what people say these days from afar when they risk nothing and don't get involved. Notice that a husband accompanying his wife to the hospital and just before surgery doesn't say "Good luck". The reason for that is that he is going to know what she knows as it happens, with her every step of the way. Short of accompanying her inside the OR he is going to be there, taking on the problem by her side. In all likelihood he will be the first person she sees in the recovery room after the medical personnel.

As soon as I regained my composure I put in a call to Dr. Schatzberg. I tried several times and got just an answering machine and the name on it sounded like it said Dr. Nonn, not Schatzberg, so I wondered if he might be on vacation and that another doctor might be covering for him.

Then I sent off an e-mail. There seemed to be two lines and first I tried it with just what was on the first line and got no "undeliverable" messages back, but when I tried it with both lines it did come back as "undeliverable" so I'm still not sure whether he got either of them. I will call again tomorrow.

Here is a re-print of my e-mail below:

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Dear Dr. Schatzberg,

I adopted a puppy from an animal shelter that I named Carmella, and she turned out to have Distemper. I looked far and wide to find out the best treatment available and came across Dr. Alson Sears’ protocol using Newcastle Disease Virus Vaccine (the LaSota strain) off-label, which is as far as I know the only thing that has really eradicated the virus successfully in dogs. My regular vet tried it on her (an IV to treat the virus in the body) and it worked quite well. When she was first diagnosed they didn’t know if she’d even make it through the weekend, but the treatment really brought her back! The only problem is that she also needs to have it injected into the spinal area, the Foramen Magnum, because it does not cross the blood-brain barrier when injected in the body. Her Central Nervous System is still infected, and although she is dramatically better in every other way, her neuro symptoms are gradually getting worse. My vet has never done a spinal tap before, so although he would do it if he had the skills he does not feel qualified. I have had a hard time finding a vet who is both qualified and willing to do this, and it appears that there are only two board certified neuro vets in Atlanta (and about 4 listed in Athens).

It is a real shame that the medical journals up till now have refused publishing Dr. Sears’ papers on this discovery, and I really think an academic institution should step in and do clinical trials on this treatment and begin to document and publish findings on its effectiveness. As of yet I have not been able to find anybody but Dr. Sears even attempting to look for a cure for distemper. I looked through PubMed the other night for several hours and although there are studies that circumstantially hint that this could work, most of the studies are aimed at testing better vaccines to prevent; not cure the disease. Somebody should be very interested in this, as I have pictures showing that after the initial shot by IV Carmella’s pads completely healed within just about 2 weeks after injection with NDV. This bird-based vaccine, mostly used in the poultry industry is manufactured by Merial right here in Georgia, and Dr. Sears has a formula that is a dog-based serum which he has given people permission to post online and to use to treat infected dogs. One vet I have spoken with tells me that he knows a vet in Alabama who uses the dog-based serum regularly in the body and reports great results with it. This is good, but these dogs need vets who are willing to test and treat in the Central Nervous System as well, and the most likely candidates to take on this challenge are neuro vets with an interest in research.

Maybe Merial would fund a study if you put in an application. It’s something to seriously consider. They seem to have done a fair amount on Distemper and may be very interested if their product could be proven to kill the virus; not just be used as a vaccine to prevent it. It might be worth testing both the NDV and dog-based formula. Publishing something would remove it from the virtual no-man’s land it currently sits in, and could be of great benefit to science and to Veterinary Medicine, not to mention having the potential to make a significant dent in the epidemics in shelters which probably cost billions of dollars nationwide.

It seems that given Carmella’s success with the first injection that as long as she gets this early enough she should have a good prognosis with the spinal injection as well. If ever there was a good candidate for a successful outcome it is her. Her secondary pneumonia is almost gone after several weeks of antibiotics (2 weeks of that with Azithromyacin), and she is otherwise healthy. Her weight is back up, and she is eating and drinking well. She has boundless energy, (unlike before the first shot when she was lethargic). She should be able to withstand anesthesia. I don’t want to wait until the symptoms are too extreme because then it might be too late to prevent permanent damage from the Distemper virus.

Currently she has mild to moderate chorea in the right front leg and sometimes shoulder which happens intermittently. So far it has not affected her activity overall and happens mostly when she’s at rest. In addition she has an occasional moment of clumsiness, but so far no seizures or overt paralysis. Even so, over the past day or so I’ve noticed a gradual worsening and this morning her right front leg was jerking perceptibly even while she was standing on it while I took her out for a walk and she had to lift her paw on a few occasions. (Some of the vets I’ve spoken with in recent weeks took the position that “maybe” it won’t progress but I think that ship has already sailed).

I hope you can help her, as I’ve run out of people to ask in the Atlanta area and I don’t know how much time we have before she gets even worse. She is a beautiful, loving dog and I want to do everything I can to save her.

If you’d like to speak with Dr. Sears to find out more about this treatment he developed I have two phone numbers for him and an e-mail address; (phone numbers removed from public view), and e-mail: AntiDistemper@aol.com
He and I have been in contact for a few weeks now. He is willing to speak with any vet I work with on this.

Please contact me as soon as possible. It would be a big load off my mind if you will do this. Carmella deserves this chance. She is a very special dog, and not only to me. When you meet her in person you will know what I mean.

Sincerely,

Pippit Carlington

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Buy exquisite art jewelry and save a dog! You can help Carmella by shopping in my Etsy store. Proceeds are going to pay her medical expenses. If I have to go to UGA for her to receive treatment that will likely be an added expense on top of what it is already , so your purchase is greatly appreciated at this time.

http://giftbearer.etsy.com/