A Little R&R (Re-Set and Re-Group)

I've been ill for about 3 weeks and have not been able to be online much lately without feeling worse but tonight seem to have a window of opportunity to write something. At least for the time-being I have enough energy to get a few things done so I'm striking while the iron is hot, as my condition fluctuates throughout the day. I'm waiting for some test results to come back from my very disorganized and haphazard doctor's office, but not holding my breath. One time it took three weeks to get results in the mail that I really should have gotten a phone call from the nurse about.

Alot has happened since my last entry. I have not felt up to working on my jewelry, and various fees sucked up the money I had set aside for the rubber stamps, so it looks as though ordering them, and launching my new line will have to wait until after the holidays unless I happen to make a decent sale (or several) this month.

A friend has fallen on hard times as well, and I am feeling somewhat useless in trying to help. It is never quite so evident as it is right now just how important it is to have enough money to fix all the leaks in the boat that invariably come along when you least expect it, which present themselves at the most inopportune times.

Then another goal had to be put aside (one I'm not at liberty to talk about just yet), but if you've been reading diligently will recognize as that "upsetting event" which required more of my time and resulted in my overdoing it and compromising my health. Sometimes life sends us a message that if we don't sit down it will knock us down whether we like it or not. I am the kind of person that has a tendancy to "get it done or die trying", and I just had to come to a point at which I said, "OK, I'm not super-woman and there is no way I'm going to be able to do it alone." That situation is still up in the air, but the future of that will in large part depend on how much back-up I will have at the crucial time when it's most needed. I have to keep reminding myself that it's not a matter of weakness, but one of my having done it virtually alone for way too long already, and that nobody succeeds at anything alone. Somebody said to me about 2 weeks ago that maybe it wouldn't be the end of the world if that particular goal didn't happen, and that which surrounds it folds, and maybe she's right. If the right people just aren't that into it the way I am then perhaps it would be an empty victory to see it through. Recent events have only strengthened my thesis that man's very survival depends upon each cog in the wheel doing it's part for the whole to function effectively. If that sounds alot like Socialism then so be it; right about now Capitalism as it exists here in America has become way out of hand and a little Socialism, getting back to the basics, whiddling it down to only that which is most important would do us some good.

I was thinking tonight about how we need to re-set our clocks, compasses, and the like; kind of have a "do-over", on a personal level with our busy hectic schedules and priorities, and on a more global level with the environmental and consumerist monster we've created, wanting more, bigger, better, faster...wanting more and more "stuff", mucking up our lives with more and more complexity when really what is needed is more simplicity, to slow things down, and to savor the people in our lives, the art, the warmth, and the beauty in the smallest of details.

People are so upset about losing money in the stock market, but then there are those who don't even have money in the stock market and are worried about how they'll eat and pay their bills, and this avalanche is now carrying with it the bodies of those who only weeks or months ago were most concerned about their investments. In the mass of scrambling and desperate arms and legs such concerns quickly pale in comparison to the more immediate concerns of where they will draw their next paycheck, and how long any money saved will last.

It is just beginning to dawn on people that in a flash of an eye all of this could be gone and husbands must then face their wives, possibly to really see them for the first time since they met, stripped of all the trappings and usual distractions, treadmill turned off, faced with days which seem endless, the sudden quiet, a pregnant pause...hearing the scrape of fork against dinner plate, a sound so familiar, usually drowned out by wheels turning in their heads, and the white noise of perpetual motion.

Last night I snuggled up in my bed wrapped in blankets in front of a good movie on TV, Carmella curled up, her head nestled in the crook of my arm, and although so much had gone wrong in the previous several weeks I looked at her and thought how this was going to be the best holiday ever because she has grown into a beautiful young dog, healthy and robust and very much alive.

It has been an amazing transformation taking place before my eyes over the past month or so. It seems as though her DNA takes turns and a certain breed will show up more prominantly for a few weeks, and then another, all the while making the puzzle of her lineage a little less mysterious. Breeds I was pretty sure she had in her before I'm not so sure of anymore, and some new possibilities emerge. In just the past month her neck and chin have gone through some pretty dramatic changes. The new collar I'd just adjusted for her a month ago is already almost too small for her. I looked closely and found that she has developed loose skin around the throat, and looking at her chin revealed some little crinkles. I'm thinking it's probably not enough to be Bloodhound, but it could possibly be Shar Pei. The only thing is that Shar Peis have very clunky snouts with pendulous lower lips, and she definitely has a much firmer and thinner snout. Although her forehead is wrinkled she does not have the squinchy eyes either nor do they droop. If it is Shar Pei then whatever else is in her must be balancing her out to make her more streamlined. That is possibly German Shepherd and maybe some Shiba Inu. She may have some Pit Bull in her because of her powerful jaws, but otherwise she is looking less like a Pit Bull than she was a few months ago.

Tonight I read more about Dingoes and interestingly, the material said that they have a habit of going for the feet, so that is definitely still a possibility. I also read that Shar Peis often chew on everything and like Pit Bulls can be stubborn with problem behaviors and require special training techniques to overcome those quirks. Carmella chewed clean through the cord on my heating pad in only 5 minutes during when I left her on my bed as I made myself something to eat in the kitchen. I came back through the livingroom to find her gnawing on the detatched pad. I really didn't need to have one more expense on top of everything else. That will have to wait to be replaced next month although I really need to use it now.

In addition, she stripped off the laminate on one half of the door between the garage and the kitchen. I came home from doing my grocery shopping one day to a floor scattered with splinters of wood.

All this got me to thinking again about DNA testing, so I did a Google search and found two companies who now offer over 100 breeds. In case you would like to get your mixed-breed dog identified, Mars Veterinary offers what they call The Wisdom Panel for $125.00, a blood DNA test which can identify 157 breeds of dog; http://www.wisdompanel.com/mixed_breed_analysis/breeds_detected.aspx

The only breeds not detected are; Dogue de Bordeaux, Beauceron, English Toy Spaniel, Skye Terrier, Miniature Bull Terrier, Swedish Vallhund, Tibetan Mastiff.

The other is MMI Genomics, a subsidiary of MetaMorphix Inc., offers the Canine Heritage Breed Test which can identify 105 breeds of dog at present, and costs $120.00; http://www.canineheritage.com/breeds.php

This test is done from epithelial cells inside the cheek in the mouth of the dog.

The following article tells you why getting your dog tested is useful; http://www.webvet.com/main/article/id/1578

Once I get Carmella's current vet bill paid down some more I plan on getting her tested.

If you would like to help with Carmella's vet bill;

* Buy an ad on my blog to the right

* Use the donation button (at top of side-bar)

* Or*

* Shop in my Etsy store at http://Giftbearer.etsy.com/

I still have a ways to go before her bill will be paid off completely, so whatever you can afford would be greatly appreciated. Every bit adds up.

My son will be coming for a few hours today. This is the first time he will have seen Carmella. He and his girlfriend took a look at my blog about a week ago and they both thought she was really cute. I haven't seen my son in a long time. It will be nice to get a chance to visit with him, and I hope he will be able to get three days off from his job around New Years. He lives in Athens, GA. which is about an hour and a half away from here. He'll be coming up with his girlfriend who will be driving to Stone Mountain related to her work.

Veterinary Ethical Standards Support; Not Oppose, Treatment

I decided to look up the ethical standards for vets and see what they said, since it seemed that was what some of these people were so afraid of, and I was pleasantly surprised that they are overall in our favor!

http://www.avma.org/issues/policy/ethics.asp

I think these excerpts support our advocacy for this treatment!

PROFESSIONAL BEHAVIOR:

Veterinarians should first consider the needs of the patient: to relieve disease, suffering, or disability while minimizing pain or fear.

It is clearly in Carmella's best interest to do this procedure (injecting Newcastle Disease Virus Vaccine into the spinal canal to kill the Distemper virus so it will not continue to damage her brain, spinal cord, and myelin). The sentence referring to minimizing pain or fear is meant to allay the dog's fear (not making the vet's fear first priority by not doing what's necessary). This treatment would certainly "relieve disease, suffering, and disability."

THERAPIES:

Attending veterinarians are responsible for choosing the treatment regimens for their patients. It is the attending veterinarians responsibility to inform the client of the expected results and costs, and the related risks of each treatment regimen.

*It is unethical for veterinarians to prescribe or dispense prescription products in the absence of a VCPR. (VCPR is an acronym for veterinarian-client-patient relationship)

*It is unethical for veterinarians to promote, sell, prescribe, dispense, or use secret remedies or any other product for which they do not know the ingredient formula.

*It is unethical for veterinarians to use or permit the use of their names, signatures, or professional status in connection with the resale of ethical products in a manner which violates those directions or conditions specified by the manufacturer to ensure the safe and efficacious use of the product.

Since NDV is neither secret nor the ingedients unknown, and full disclosure has been provided as to what it and the dog-based serum is made of, these vets have absolutely nothing to worry about in terms of ethical violations.

The NDV packaging insert also does not say it is unsafe to use this in a smaller dose in dogs than is generally used for chickens (which is actually safer), so that clause is satisfied.

The dog-based serum formula devised by Dr. Sears himself has instructions to it as to exactly how it should be used, yet there are some vets who deviate from it anyway, (so they couldn't be too afraid of that clause).

Furthermore, there is no treatment proven to kill the Distemper virus that a vet has to offer as a qualitatively equivalent alternative.

Here is the oath veterinarians take:

Being admitted to the profession of veterinary medicine, I solemnly swear to use my scientific knowledge and skills for the benefit of society through the protection of animal health, the relief of animal suffering, the conservation of animal resources, the promotion of public health, and the advancement of medical knowledge. I will practice my profession conscientiously, with dignity, and in keeping with the principles of veterinary medical ethics. I accept as a lifelong obligation the continual improvement of my professional knowledge and competence.

This implies pretty strongly that a vet is expected to do whatever he can to protect animal health, and not to merely rest on tradition, but to learn new things, be open to new discoveries, and to advance.

I noticed that noplace in the ethical standards did it ever say that using "experimental" or new treatments was in any way unethical. I'm sure the board realized that to impose a rule like that would cut off people's noses despite their faces when not all disease can be cured with conventional methods and new discoveries are made all the time and take time to become accepted. I'm sure they had a legal expert go over it with a fine-toothed comb and that there was a good reason in their not making a rule against it.

As Dr. Sears says; "There's a good reason why it's called private "practice". Granted he said that a little bit tongue in cheek, but nevertheless it just goes to show that not everything in science or medicine fits into a perfectly neat little box and you've got to be willing to go out on a limb sometimes even if it is scary and somewhat uncharted territory. Look at firefighters. They do that all the time and consider it all in a day's work. There are times when you just have to throw the book out the window and get in there and make an executive decision to put that client first. This is one of those instances.

I printed out another Atlanta vet listing today; eight full pages of names! There's a clinic on there I used to take my animals to for many years, although they've changed vets many times. I don't know if the management is still the same but they used to be very willing to work with various situations and were even good about not charging alot. I'll call and see if they might be a possibility.

It also occurred to me that it would be a good idea for Carmella to have an MRI to see exactly how bad and where the damage is in her brain. If nothing else, Dr. Johnson, the local neuro vet at Georgia Veterinary Specialists should be able to do that. Maybe that will tell us how much time we have to get her help before the damage is too severe and how fast the virus is moving.

Today I sent off something to the Regional office of the Humane Society to see whether they'd post about Carmella on their website and/or any newsletters that go out to readers.

Then I called Dr. Norwood's office and asked whether we needed a new referral for that or not. He'd already left for the day, but should be back tomorrow. Between the most recent appointment and now, in the interrim Felicia has warmed up to Carmella and I. I think we've grown on her, and the whole staff having seen us through the ups and downs sees where I'm coming from more so than ever. I may be wrong, but what I heard on the other end was not a kiss-off at all. Dr. Norwood was back from a week in Aruba and things seemed as though they were the same as they'd always been, only maybe now we were considered long-time clients of theirs. There is an invisible line one crosses over between being "just another client", to the kind that seems patinaed with age in the most fond of senses, and it felt as though we'd crossed over into that realm, and not only on their end. Why otherwise would it matter to me?

This is what I never had the chance to say to my best friend as we were doing our usual brainstorming before things turned suddenly and unexpectedly dark and perilous like a hurricane coming out of nowhere. It was like a scene right out of a Lifetime television movie (if you've seen many of those true stories then you know the pattern). She referred to me as her "very good friend" so maybe the "best friend" thing isn't as mutual as I thought. Well I am trying like hell to be philosophical about this right now but still I'm crying my eyes out at midnight, and I'm just so tired. I don't mean sleepy, just tired of feeling like I have to go it alone, and then what hit me tonight was just too much. Talk about "in your face!" Sheesh!

When I brainstorm I just try to think of every angle (and with something as serious as what's happening to Carmella you have to). Short of doing something illegal I consider no ideas off-limits. It's a creative process I've learned and I use it in my art as well. One cannot be creative if you're always censoring the free flow of though as it comes in and through you. Some ideas are viable and should be used and some, maybe not, but if you cannot allow yourself to explore all the possibilities then you get bogged down and you may miss alot of good strategies, designs, or what have you. I thought I could do that with my friend without being judged. It's not like I have a team of people working on this. I don't know for sure what it's going to require to bring this into being, but at least I'm thinking and throwing out ideas. They can't all be in final draft form right out of my head. I guess what hurt most was that my thought/sentence that had somehow set off this explosion of protestation came about after ideas she had posed. We were both going along that train of thought as a team and suddenly she diverged, like a wishbone, one half cracking suddenly and severely away from the other. That's the best way I can describe it. It wasn't like she said, "Well let's not do that because ---this would be a better strategy." Somehow instead it got all personal and negatively charged emotionally. I didn't see it coming and in my overtired state it was just one more big log on the pile of obstacles I did not need.

When I think about it objectively it sounded really like it may have had nothing at all to do with this situation about me and Carmella but something she was going through, that instead of just telling me about it so that I could empathize, got all melded into what we were talking about in this.

Making me the target of the angst over any number of stresses she had going on in her own life really didn't help either one of us or Carmella. The particular trigger had something to do with the concept of obligation/trickery, and now with some distance from having been blind-sided I think I know where that's coming from and it's not about me. I know that the situation she's dealing with was thrust upon her just as this one was thrust upon me so that should make us allies, but who knows maybe sometimes feelings just get misapplied in the wrong places mismatched to the wrong people. I do realize that she's got alot on her plate too and Carmella's situation being so catastrophic requires me to spend just about every waking moment on this as a matter of sheer survival. There's just no way around it.

Any of you who have watched the Lifetime television movies knows that these kinds of "orphaned" situations require that the one person centrally responsible for fixing it have almost tunnel vision until a solution is found. That is the nature of the beast and it's what it takes to get it done.

My friend paints me as this extraordinarily strong person, but then the same could be said about her with her situation because she hasn't dropped it no matter how hard things have gotten. I'm not sure that I'm any stronger than she is. It may be more the fact that when you are chosen for one of these marathon catastrophic events you can't get out of it so you adapt and do what you have to do to get through it. The faces and the names may be different, but the principles are the same.

I do have an obligation to Carmella, and I don't resent it, I don't have time. All emotional resources are needed to deal with whatever comes, but just as I told Felicia at Dr. Norwood's office on the phone today, carrying this on my shoulders is hard. It's really hard. She told me that I was brave to be sending out all these press releases to news agencies to get Carmella the help she needs, but I just feel like I'm doing what I have to do to get the job done, putting one foot in front of the other. That's what you do when you care. It's not even a conscious decision. It's this un-namable thing propelling me into action. I know I've heard others who've said the same thing. I'm not that unique.

Maybe nature or God gives you the inner strength to do what needs to be done when those resources are required.

This can take a toll on other relationships in the meantime, but those of you who have seen those real-life movies know that there are two types of archetypes in those movies; those who don't go the distance, and those who are true friends or family, and their love is the real deal. They may not fully "get it" for awhile and be off on their own stint for a moment, convinced that you're way off-base, but those come back with an even stronger understanding of your passion for the issue, and a renewed faith in you and in the relationship.

Sometimes people don't wait to hear the other stuff that's in your head or they have to let it germinate for awhile before they understand what you're really trying to say. It's kind of like those news stories where the papparazzi takes a celebrity's statements out of context, little snippets here and there, and formulates an opinion based on those, like text cut from random magazines, then pieced together. It has the illusion of the whole picture but isn't really.

I went in and hugged Carmella and she greeted me with her loving eyes and in her usual coy way, curled up in my lap. I met her approval.

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For A Fleeting Moment I Thought I Saw Land...

but it seems it was a mirage. I called PAWS Atlanta today and followed up on the material I'd sent them and asked if the vets they had said might do something like this on Carmella several weeks ago had given them any indication of where they stood. The woman answering the phone thought she'd just given me the name and number of one and did not remember the other. She seemed less enthusiastic today, and said she'd just forwarded it on to their vet but had gotten no response. That seems to be many of the vets' modus operandi lately; no response.

The receptionist gave me the name and number of a vet who used to work for them, another one like Dr. Brantly who did holistic treatment, and she said that maybe he'd be open-minded enough to do it, although she had no idea if he had done spinal taps before.

I took that information and called. An answering machine picked up my message and so I asked if he'd call me back as soon as possible, trying to get as much detail in as possible. His office manager, Carmen, returned my call and then she had him call me. He seemed nice, and actually sounded alot like Dr. Norwood, and he too practiced in the Stone Mountain area. Things sounded good as we were talking, but then he said he used to do spinal taps but hadn't done one in years.

He talked about his muscle-testing and dietary techniques and explained that his were not published in journals either, took Dr. Sears' information, and did sound genuinely interested in the fact that this might be a complete cure (even his techniques could not claim that complete a solution to Distemper), but he said, just as I thought, that probably the reason Dr. Sears could not get published is that alot of drug companies have a financial interest in never letting a true cure see the light of day.

Interestingly, he also said that probably the reason that the most qualified and highly-credentialed vets to do this procedure won't do it is because they are also the most regulated. He's probably right, but that's a real catch 22. If the vets who have the best chance of pulling this off are too afraid of liability then how does the field get past that hurdle in order to introduce any new discovery?

If in order to fly under the radar and become published a new discovery must:

1) Be non-threatening enough to a major percentage of the dominant market share in that category

yet

2) Be interesting and useful enough not to be too redundant or boring to be attractive to the populace

That leaves a very narrow margin. Sure, it could be marketed as a treatment and not a cure (to have it pass the first unofficial requirement), but then it risks being lumped in with lots of other not so legitimate claims that don't work as well, and it would then fall into the wastebasket category of "supportive care".

Not only would that not be accurate, but it could cause it not to pass that second category, and the argument could be made that there are already things out there to help a dog "live comfortably" with the disease for a period of time, plus that those established methods are less invasive.

Taking that tactic could get it squashed before it gets half-way in the door. No, I think the best way to get this on the map is to approach it through Merial, the drug company that manufactures Newcastle Disease Virus Vaccine (the LaSota strain), and to justify it by saying, " Let's be real. Distemper vaccines to prevent the disease only cover so many dogs and there is no realistic way to prevent all cases of Distemper any more than we can completely eradicate all teen pregnancy. We can do all the education and public service messages we want, but all owners will not vaccinate their dogs 100% of the time, and not all vaccinations even work on all dogs. If you really want to stamp out this disease completely it will require a two-pronged approach; direct Distemper vaccination as a preventative measure, and curative vaccination with NDV to treat infected animals. If the number of infected dogs isn't enough to justify it (although I am pretty sure those statistics are highly under-representative) then there are raccoons bringing it into residential areas, foxes, and ferrets, all of which could be candidates for this drug. NDV could be marketed in the wildlife industry as well as used on domestic animals and used by conservation organizations that are currently funded to save species, and by scientists interested in studying natural habitats. Each dose may be very inexpensive, but when you look at using it on that scale, the potential demand/market for such an effective cure begins to look alot more lucrative."

Venus, who's dog was featured on my blog just a few weeks ago wrote me today and she mentioned a Phillipino vet, Dr. Loubinar, who is quite well-respected, and who has a special interest in studying Distemper. She said he has treated 30 dogs there in his country with NDV; at least some of them with the NDV injection into the spinal canal! I posed to her the suggestion that he be the one to lead the way in the veterinary field towards getting a clinical trial funded, that he approach Merial with a proposal, and then publish the findings. I asked her if she had his e-mail address and said that I would do whatever I could to help him connect with Merial (which is based right here in Georgia). If this guy has an interest in Distemper then he would be the perfect one to put in such a proposal. If that's what it will take to get Carmella treated and to stop more dogs from dying, then so be it. There is no rule that says there can't be multiple study sites around the world either. It is not uncommon to do a clinical trial with relatively few subjects into several locations. I've seen studies with 3 sites, each in a different country, and only 5 subjects in each, and those were published! That means that if he were to write the proposal he could have a number of collaborators including some here in the US. His name would come first on the paper but there are often as many as 20 principle investigators on one paper, and they can collaborate on the first and final drafts by e-mail and/or conference call!

With my media blitz underway there may be vets that news reaches who like this idea and would welcome the opportunity to participate if someone else were to submit the proposal.

Carmella is still falling and her restlessness is evident, but she's trying to hang in there. She was so cute today, despite her difficulties. I have been tempted to let her sleep in my bed at night but I'm afraid I'd wake up with no sheets and a room full of stuffing strewn all over the floor; remnants of my comforter.

I'm really looking forward to hearing back from these TV stations and the Journal and Constitution and seeing what shakes out of the bushes.

In the meantime if you'd like to help Carmella, please use the donation button at the upper right of my blog, purchase some great art jewelry from my Etsy shop, or buy an ad underneath the list of "Top Spots".
http://Giftbearer.etsy.com/

Some Lateral Moves

It's the weekend again. That means not much will be moving that requires contacting businesses, but I did get two names of vets, one here (and one located in Florida, given to me by the woman whose dog was recently put to sleep).

I wrote the one in Florida but it seems to be an outdated e-mail address because even though I wrote directly through his website bellsouth sent it back stating this was not one of their customers. Well, another one down. It was too late yesterday to get in touch with the local vet whose name had been given me by the founder of a disability transportation rights group, and I was not able to find any website or e-mail for her. There were reviews, most of them glowingly favorable, but it appeared the last two which were left in the past one or two weeks were negative, noting that the vet did not seem herself and was letting her standards slip this month. It could be just something temporary going on in her life interfering with her work, but you can never know for sure.

All these vets I've been getting the contact info for seem iffy in one way or another. I'm not sure whether most vets are unstable/unreliable as a group or whether it's just been unlucky that the ones people have happened to have recommended just turned out to be flakey. Maybe they all start out pretty good and then burn out. I sure hope there are some solid ones out there. Carmella really needs one to come through.

I wrote Dr. Sears to let him know that so far we've been unsuccessful at getting a vet to do the procedure, and he wrote back saying he was sorry I was running into these barriers, but this is not uncommon, as most vets are afraid of it because it's not been published. I wrote him back and said that I think it may require for him to break the ice by starting to do workshops at conferences before the ball will get rolling. Hopefully he'll listen to that advice, as I truly believe that will make a difference. Vets need to hear it right from the horse's mouth and published or not, a conference is nevertheless a respectable place for vets to get their continuing education once settled into private practice. They may not seek him out to learn about this treatment but if they're already signed up for a big conference and they see this on the program they might be curious to see what he has to say. Curiosity is a good step toward integrating something new into what they consider to be useful methods.

The repairman was here most of the day yesterday. I had still had very little sleep and felt as though my brain was still asleep when I got up knowing he would be arriving soon. He got to work on some damage caused by squirrels who had decided to move their nest indoors into a corner. They had chewed their way clean through and I'd often heard them running around my attic just above my bedroom (sometimes at the wee hours of the morning, which did not help my sleep patterns any).

Carmella seemed to like him and as he got up on the stepladder to replace some wooden planks, she whined for him to come back and play with her. I had told him about her condition earlier and he jokingly told her how clumsy and uncoordinated she was, not seeming to get the connection. I think I had pointed that out once as being part of the neurological effects of the disease, but it didn't seem to register for long. Despite his joking manner the comments began to grate on me a little. When she bumped into his leg while running he asked her if she needed glasses. His somewhat insulting humor started to get old pretty fast. After all, I really love this dog, and her incoordination is not due to stupidity or some sort of inadequacy on her part. Considering what she's dealing with she gets around pretty damn well. I believe he likes her but, OK, enough ribbing already. It's kind of like telling a woman with breast cancer that she can use her bald chemo-ravaged head for a bowling ball or kidding a man with testicular cancer that now his wife will trade him in for a man "with balls". Carmella, unaware of the content behind the words wagged her tail and jumped up to lick his face. This newcomer seemed to captivate her and she accepted him as non-threatening only because I had let him in. His entrance unimpeded was a priviledge. Had he been a stranger she would have met him at the door with barking, growls, and beared teeth. Carmella generally doesn't like men coming into her territory. The man who lives next door came out into his driveway next to the fence today and was talking kind of loud and she really went off.

I ordered some molding compound today recommened by a fellow jewelry artist in preparation for the new line I'm planning and am planning out what images will work best to create molds of.

Also, I've been looking into ways to put video on my blog, and gathering ideas for which news agencies to contact with my press release.

Today was a day for putting key steps into position. Sometimes one must move sideways in order to move forward.

Carmella seemed to have slowed down on her voracious need to chew everything that passed her nose, so I let her lie on the rug of the computer room while I cooked homemade chili and spaghetti sauce for my meals over the next week so all I'd have to do then is heat them up. She seemed to lie there calmly for about a half hour but while I was paying close attention to these dishes to make sure they didn't burn I looked back at her to find that she was in the process of chewing the speaker wires to my computer and that to my horror the wires were hanging from both speakers, severed, with bits of plastic covering on the floor by her front paws. I ran in there and grabbed her but she'd bitten clean through them and the wires were not the type you could buy replacements for. They were firmly attached at the end where they connected to the back of each speaker. If my sound drivers were installed I would have been twice as furious, but the last computer technician had not reinstalled them so I've been going without sound for a long time. I may still have some older speakers that I didn't throw away and if so then maybe I won't have to buy new ones. At some point I would like to get the sound working again so that I can listen to what people are saying when I watch tutorials on techniques.

A notice came encouraging me to apply for the annual ACRE show held in Las Vegas sponsored by WholesaleCrafts.com came by e-mail. Every year I have wanted to do this show, and each year I've had to pass it up because I just don't have $1,995 or even $498.75/Month for their payment plan. I heard that lots of artists racked up at that show last year and the year before. This is one of my pet peeves (the shows with the really good customer-bases having entry fees priced so high it's inaccessible to people who don't already have lots of disposable income). I would love to see either scholarships provided or a cap put on what show organizers can charge for entry fee. Also, for years shows never charged a jurying fee, then it was a nominal one, and now it's often $50-$75 in addition to the entry fee.

I'm sorry but I just don't think judges need to be paid that much just to sit in a room and look at slides or digital photos and say, "yes, no, yes, no" or to give a score. The system has become one of exploitation of the artist and not one of looking for great talent and accepting applicants based on merit. This type of system helps the rich get richer and leaves the poor no vehicle through which to attain more capitol. If your perfect market is there but you can't even get in the door because of lack of money then that is a problem. It becomes a vicious cycle because if all you have access to are the shows with a few of your target customers and mostly browsers and those luke warm to what you have for sale, then there is a glass ceiling on your earnings. Over the past year I have not had the money at the time any really good show's entries are due, and in my part of the country there are only really a small handful of shows with good, buying customers who come back to purchase at the same ones each year.

For a time there were some options available in which the fees were $65.00 or less that still had pretty good customers. There were even some who looked for me each year intending to buy because they liked what they'd bought from me the previous year(s), but then those shows stopped being held for one reason or another and I lost those resources. Trying to get the customers from there to then buy from me online was unsuccessful and even offering a free pair of earrings with their first online purchase did not motivate them. I can only surmise that it has to do with where I live, because most people I've spoken with for whom that has worked did not live in Georgia.

Many of the galleries and neat little stores here selling hand-made art objects that once existed have since gone out of business, and the ones that remain do not seem to want to carry any more artists than their old standbys. Georgia's economy must be even worse than the National average. I know that alot of this is due to the depletion of the Federal budget, our country's money having been diverted into the war in Iraq, but Georgia seems to have been hit especially hard. I was just at the mall yesterday and even the big commercial department stores like Macy's and JC Penny looked like an abandoned ghost town. Items were in disarray, shelves were allowed to sit with big gaps in conspicuously absent inventory, and even many of the lights were left off in the afternoon. Whole lines that had been there for months had been discontinued and displays removed. Things looked disheveled and nobody was putting clothing back in its proper place. It looked as though these department stores had a bare bones crew. Even some of the vendors in the food court were closed.

The woman who lives a mile away from me tells me that Sonny Perdue, Georgia's Governor, cut a major section where she works responsible for putting disabled people back to work. There had been nobody hiring their clientele for a long time and so those employees pretty much had given up trying.

These kinds of economic changes are scary. If Government agencies are being cut to the bone, then it stands to reason that this is a hard place for an artist who makes his/her money from non-essential items to live. The ironic thing is that while selling online used to be considered a real crap-shoot, it has probably become easier for a Georgia artist to sell their wares online than it would be in a local brick and mortar store.

Taking all these variables into account my strategy is going to focus on contacts outside of Georgia through which to sell my work. I don't want to do consignment in places I can't physically travel to but I welcome outright purchases made from my Etsy store by brick and mortar stores. If you own one that you're looking to stock, please check out what I have available and consider making a purchase or placing a custom order. If you would like to test market a few pieces before placing a big order that would be relatively low-risk. Be sure to keep an eye on my shop and bookmark it to watch for my upcoming line. I believe this is going to appeal to many!

If you would like to help Carmella there are three easy ways to do that;

* Start your holiday shopping now at http://Giftbearer.etsy.com/

* Use the donation button on the upper right of my blog, or

* Buy a $5.00 ad on my blog in my "Top Spots" through Scratchback

Thank you, all of you who have already donated and/or bought ad space. Keep it up, and keep reading and commenting. Carmella and I both really appreciate your love and support.

And You Could Hear a Pin Drop...

The silence was deafening. Somebody I hadn't heard from in awhile called to say that she loved my jewelry and maybe she would buy my earrings made from violet leaves in the future, and then asked about Carmella. I told her we still hadn't found a vet to do the procedure and that I hadn't been able to get a return call from Dr. Norwood about exactly what happened regarding UGA. She didn't have much to say about that, just that she didn't "want her to suffer" and asked if she was. I said sometimes but that she plays when she isn't jerking, and that the rest of her body seems healthy. There was something ominous about her statement, and then she just went back to saying, "I really like your jewelry. I'm still working. I have to go" leaving me feeling like I'd taken a short walk off a long pier.
My mind wandered, following that thread and it seemed to go involuntarily to places I didn't want it to go. I'd pull it back but then it seemed to slip back into playing scenes that had not happened yet, as if I were in a movie and every scene was one I didn't want. I'd yell, "Cut!" and somehow it just kept going like some horrible out-of-control flashback, only it was forsight, not hindsight.

I have been known to foresee things so I worried this could be a bad premonition rather than some trick of the mind after not enough sleep, and too much stress.

I took Carmella out into the back yard and stood out there with her and she seemed not to be suffering then, even though she stumbled and fell a few times while running, but the bad scenes that kept playing in my head cast an eerie tinge juxtaposed against her seeming normalcy. It was like a broken record. The day was too quiet and being by myself didn't help matters. I told myself that Caroline's implication was ridiculous and I should take it with a grain of salt.

Nevertheless it kept intruding into my consciousness even as I played with Carmella and took more pictures of her, and I couldn't keep from crying because I knew if I ever dared entertain such a thing I'd hate myself for the rest of my life, and that led me to an even darker place I really didn't want to venture into. I resolved to close that door and take another angle. It was not up to the arm chair quarterbacks and nothing was inevitable!

It made me angry to think that this idea was so socially acceptable whereas doing this procedure that can cure an animal was not. How twisted our culture is, I thought.

If these vets really do not want animals to suffer, I thought, then why do they just sit there and refuse them lifesaving treatment? Dr. Johnson, leading a speeding frieght train of negligence could have instead ended both Carmella's and my suffering weeks ago if he had not dug his heels in and refused to help. So could UGA, Tuskegee, Dr. T, and the female neuro vet I'd contacted here in Atlanta, and so could Dr. Brantly... the caboose. This prolonged agony could all be over and Carmella and I could be on to happier times by now, rid of this dark cloud forever.

I called the vet's office in Perry, my last Ace in the hole, and hoped for the best. A young woman answered and I explained to her that I had e-mailed this vet, Dr. Westmoreland a few days ago and had not heard back. I told her that I was running out of options, so I hoped he could help us because even UGA wouldn't help. She was nice but said that the doctor left early on Fridays and that he was already gone until Monday. I asked if there was any way she could contact him before Monday so that by Monday he would have been sure to read my whole story and be familiar with the case, and she said she'd try to get a message to him. I was still crying.

"I'm sorry, it's just that I'm really upset. Nobody will help my dog and she's getting worse, and I'm running out of options here. I think my own vet is giving up on her. He's not even returning my calls after he heard the bad news from UGA."

"It's OK, I understand. Could I get your name and number and I'll see if I can reach him?"

I gave it to her, thanked her, and we got off the phone.

After that I lay down to try to rest or sleep and that seemed to help.

There was mail in the mailbox when I walked down the steep driveway to the bottom of the hill. It was mostly junk mail, but there was a letter from my pet insurance company. I really didn't think they'd cover much at all, but when I opened it I was pleasantly surprised. They reimbursed me for quite a chunk of the costs, and as I'd already written and mailed off a check for $300 toward the bill earlier today, the reimbursement check I received today meant I would get the balance paid down alot sooner than I thought. There may be more expenses to come, especially if it takes very much longer to find someone to do the procedure, so I can't sit on my laurels just yet, but this is a relief! It came at a time when I was just about at the end of my rope.

I went out with a friend briefly this evening and came home to find that Carmella had chewed a hole in the bottom of her dog bed. It was starting to get a little small for her anyway, so maybe I'll look for a larger and more durable one for her. The pillows she hasn't messed with, but the bottom of what they fit into is a rather thin plastic material.

Tomorrow I will start looking for some media sources through which to get this story out to more vets. If we can take care of that central detail then things just might start falling into place afterall.

http://Giftbearer.etsy.com/

Why Don't They Want A Cure For This Disease? Haunting Question, Sickening Answer

When I looked for studies the other night regarding cures for Distemper and didn't find any at all even looking for one, I had the nagging question why? Surely other researchers have thought about it. How could they not? It reminded me of the work I'd done while working on the Marshall Protocol research team and the answer we found as to why none of the researchers other than the one who'd developed the protocol I was on had been looking for a cure for Sarcoidosis. The answer to that question when we discovered the truth was downright bone-chilling. In that case it turned out that the small elite group of researchers who controlled what got into medical journals were all funded by drug companies who had a competing interest with any cure. These companies were only interested in creating maintenence medications designed for the sole purpose of "living with" the disease. The problem was that often even after taking such medications patients developed major organ failure and then death, so in fact the whole premise the drugs were built on was a Big Lie. (I received an e-mail from one such woman in just the past two weeks).

The doctors who were funded to do research on those drugs went to great lengths to conceal the truth, so much so that they would stop at nothing to make sure that nobody would touch any cure which came out with a ten foot pole. They were placed on the committee that set the standards in the treatment of Sarcoidosis through NIH, NHLBI, the department under which Sarcoidosis falls. That was the committee that put out the very propaganda that doctors were using as guidelines on how to treat paitients!

Looking at this as a model, I wondered if something similarly sinister might be going on in Veterinary Medicine. After doing some thinking it occurred to me that the reason in this case might be two-fold; that drug companies and even some vets think they can make more money if they assume a dog could live up to 8 years with the disease and intermittantly have to give it "supportive care". Of course they downplay the fact that the disease continues to do damage and that if a dog lives to age 8 it is likely to suffer severe symptoms like seizures and paralysis at that point. Maybe that’s their idea of “doing well” but it’s not mine. When you consider that NDV only costs about .83 a vial, so two vials of it only amounts to a few dollars in cost to treat both the body and the CNS, neither the drug companies nor the vets are making much on that (other than the anesthesia and other surgery costs for the CSF procedure), and the other possible motive is that the people in top positions of power in Veterinary Medicine might be secretly hoping that all infected dogs will just die off through "natural selection" if they do nothing to cure them, and that Distemper as a disease will at some point be self-limiting once the number of dogs vaccinated starting early in life reaches a certain level.

I wonder whether the latter explanation has ever occurred to any of the vets working in research settings or in private practice, and that maybe they are being fed a line of bull by their own industry? Hopefully with a little critical thinking the ones who became vets for the right reasons can see their way clear to question why nobody who runs these journals is interested in publishing a possible cure. It is not always the treatment that's suspect. Obviously if people are empirically reporting that something works, and there are no horror stories of anything going wrong with it when used correctly there must be something there. All these people could not be making this up.

It also seems to me that case studies and clinical trials could be done right now by the vets who have used NDV (and the dog-based serum) in the body and have had success with that. At least that would spur more interest in doing clinical trials on its use in the CNS.

It's time for those vets to step up to the plate and do some writing and submitting to these journals. If they get enough requests from seperate vets and institutions it will be increasingly difficult to keep them out.

In Sarcoidosis in humans it took for doctors to disregard the bull they'd been told by the group of biased researchers and try the protocol anyway, but I don't know whether vets have as much guts. Everyone seems to be hoping another vet will be the first to take the risk, and everyone is pretty much sitting on their hands. Just where does the buck stop? How many dogs have to die of neglect before someone will take this up and do something about it?

Carmella has been restless the past 2 days. She is almost hyperactive, constantly chewing on things including my hands, my pants leg, and other clothing. She has chewed up both cords to my fax machine and now I have to buy a new heavy duty electrical cord before I can use it. Last night she chewed up the strap on my backpack. Her chew toys don't seem to be enough anymore. I finally had to take her out of the computer room and put her back in the kitchen while I was working in that room for fear she'd chew up those cords too.

Her jerking is about the same when she's not in constant motion, but I wonder what else the virus might be doing to her brain while all these vets are weighing their options.

If the fence did not have a board missing I'd let her out in the back yard to run around for awhile but the repairman has not been back to fix it.

I found that letting her play tug-of-war with an old towel got some of her excess energy out but it took a long time before she was tired enough to lie down and chill out.

Well, tomorrow people will be back in their offices and I can pick up where I left off in looking for a vet to do the CNS injection. I hope to hear from the female neuro vet that I e-mailed on Friday and hope that her answer is yes.

You can help Carmella in her recovery by helping with her vet bill. At least then money will not be a barrier to her receiving all the help she needs. As of yet I have had very few buyers in my Etsy store purchasing pieces since the beginning of this effort. I need to raise at least $1,000 and I'm nowhere near that goal. If you would like to help an animal here's your chance to do so in a very concrete way. I hope that my work is not missing the mark in what people are looking for. If you don't see what you want in my shop please contact me through Etsy and place a custom order. Buy jewelry and save a dog!
http://giftbearer.etsy.com/

Chicken...Buck Buck Buck!

And I'm Not Talking About What's In The NDV Vaccine

Photo: Courtesy of Greenfingers.etsy.com

maker of smudge sticks, other herbal preparations, and eco-friendly items

Dr. Brantly came sheepishly to the phone this afternoon, intent upon making his point, and with voice quivering he said, "Hello? Ms. Carlington? Are you calling about Bear?"

"No, Carmella, " I replied thinking that not enough sleep and too little coffee was possibly muddling his head for a short second.

"Oh, yes, Carmella." The doctor seemed to snap his mind back into focus.

"So, have you had a conversation with Dr. Sears yet?"

"Nnno...?" he hesitated. "I haven't called him just yet. I'm still planning to though, just mainly to get information, ask questions, and discuss with him. " There seemed to be a "but" coming and there it was. "I, I, um really don't feel comfortable doing the injection at this point. After all the reading up I just don't know whether it would be safe unless she were faced with imminent death."

"Well according to Dr. Sears she will be sooner or later even if she's not going to die immediately. I'd rather she not die at all until she would normally. I don't want her to continue to get worse and then have a lingering horrible, and certain death in which she suffers."

"She might not". He sounded as though grabbing at straws, and in fact he was.

"Do you mean you think her immune system could fight off the virus in her brain on its own?" I asked dubiously.

"Yes, it's possible. Some dogs have static symptoms like seizures or jerking and still do quite well."

"And you're saying that antibody tests show that those dogs have killed the virus; that it's no longer detectible?" I had him there.

"Well...no. Very few vets will even do a spinal tap to test the CSF for antibodies. We really haven't gone that far to see how those dogs did. Just based on their symptoms, they seemed to not be progressing."

"I'm not sure what you're mainly worried about. Is it doing the spinal tap or the injection? Are you worried that you might hit the chord and paralyze her?"

"No, that is a risk, but it's not that. It's the way the NDV's shelf-life is preserved that I'm worried might not be good to be injecting into her spinal canal." He also expressed a fear that she'd go into shock, and I said that from what I've learned from Dr. Sears if you run IV fluids that will handle that effectively.

"You're worried about the preservatives they use being harmful?"

"Yes".

"Well have you read the formula to make the dog-based serum from scratch? That wouldn't be filled with preservatives". It was beginning to look as though the man was quickly running out of viable excuses.

What now? I thought, and there it came...predictable.

"Yes, but I still don't feel comfortable doing it. It's still too experimental". The last desperate defense of a man who had no defense. So is everything, I thought, until it becomes commonly used. What kind of logic was that, I wondered. Certainly not scientific. If all the techniques used now in other deadly diseases had been simply tabled indefinitely because they were "experimental" chances are we'd be an endangered species by now, and so would our dogs.

Then a brilliant idea struck me as if fired from a gun. Last night I had been searching on Google to look up Distemper research and it became apparent that the drug company that manufactures NDV, Merial, had done quite a bit of research on Canine Distemper, but mostly in Ferrets.

"Merial seems to be quite interested in Distemper. They had links all over Google as I was reading last night, and people who own ferrets seemed to be a strong advocacy group for that sort of research. I didn't find as much in dogs, but what if some vets were to team up and submit a funding request to Merial for grant money to do a clinical trial? It seems to me that would put alot of this fear to rest, and once an offocially recognized study were done vets could stop freaking out about it. If there is real merit to this and it is the only real cure for Distemper don't you think it deserves a chance?"

"Yes, that is a good idea, but it would probably be the academics; neuro vets with the big credentials; those in research facilities who would be the best ones to submit a proposal. Places like UGA have all the equipment, MRI, CT, and contrast for guided imaging."

"Yes, or ones in private practice specialty clinics like Dr. Johnson."

Dr. Brantly agreed. He sounded relieved to put this responsability on the academics and the specialists.

"Well, maybe a task force with those as the lead investigators and including other vets who are interested could be put together. It seems to me that the only way that vets in the community will get used to this is by being directly involved, because there are only so many neuro vets to go around. I found exactly two board certified ones in Atlanta; Dr. Johnson and one other, a woman in Sandy Springs, and about 4 in Athens around (or on staff of ) UGA. I did find out a few names and I'll be contacting them too."

"I did contact a vet in Alabama who has had great success using the dog-based serum."

"Well, good! What about having her treat Carmella?"

"She has only done the first part (in the body; not in the CNS), and she also is afraid to attempt the tap procedure."

"Well that's exactly why a clinical trial really is timely. If vets don't use it then what good is having a cure?"

We left it that I would send him any relevant research that implied this would be safe and effective, and that he'd call me to let me know if he thought of anybody who did feel comfortable doing the procedure, and he asked me to let him know if Carmella got any worse.

When he and I got off the phone we both knew the unspoken truth; that he could not scientifically guarantee me that she wouldn't.

When I checked my e-mail there was a message from Dr. Sears.

"Just about any vet can stick a needle in the Foramen Magnum without an ultrasound or MRI. Find one that will try."

In response to the fact that Dr. Johnson was working on Interferon he had this to say, "As to interferon, it does not work. Does not interrupt the distemper virus. We tried that years ago. There are now 9 different interferon's and none of them work against this virus. They do work against some but not this one. Induction with NDV sets off a variety of Cytokine's, many of which we have no names for. They just work. Especially against distemper."

And his response regarding shock happening: "Absolutely, once the NDV is introduced into the spinal space shock occurs. So what. If an IV line has been placed before anesthetic then fluids can be given and the shock is under control. Treat or death is the eventual outcome."

Regarding the trouble I've been having finding a vet to commit to this procedure, (I had to leave a few choice statements out in the interest of decorum, LOL, so as not to alienate other vets who might end up being important allies), but I can include some of it.

"I was able to find a Vet in primitive Indonesia. I cannot believe that there isn't a vet with needle savvy in all of Florida (he meant Georgia). I have now treated 4 dogs (in the CNS). One 36 years ago, and 2 10 Mo's ago, and 1 three Mo's ago. The 2 in Indonesia are both alive and without secondary symptoms at this time, Daveyo's dogs.

Hopefully yours is next.

Doc Sears"

Carmella still needs your help. Her bill is growing. Your purchase from my Etsy store is much appreciated. I'd like to thank the few individuals who have recently bought jewelry in the last 2-3 weeks. I just tonight added a new pair of earrings to my Carmella Collection. Remember that with love and action, all things are possible!

http://Giftbearer.etsy.com

Carmella Collection- Lillies of the Valley (earrings)