Take No Prisoners

Well 3 more vets down and still counting. One receptionist told me the vets in her practice "don't treat dogs with Distemper". The other two; one used to do spinal taps years ago when she worked at Georgia Veterinary Specialists, but is too rusty now, and the other never had given a spinal tap. The ones who don't have the skills I can deal with, it's the ones who can and won't that really have no heart and a black soul and I wonder why they are in the field if they're not willing to do everything in their power to save lives. I know first-hand what it feels like to be dying and have no medical intervention, denied the one treatment that will determine your very survival and quality of life. It is much worse than death itself. It is truly Hell on earth. Luckily I eventually got the treatment I needed to save my own life, but having had that experience there is no way that I could just stand there and allow it to happen to another living thing and be able to live with it. Some of these vets may think it's best to just "accept" that she is going to get worse and eventually die, merely keep her comfortable, and wait for the inevitable, but that would only be appropriate if this option did not exist. One cannot discover a new medical treatment and then just pretend it doesn't exist. You can't put Pandora back in the box. Perhaps on some primal psychological level it is so ingrained in the minds of vets that Distemper is the scourge of veterinary medicine that they have catalogued it in their minds as if it were the plague, and like archaeic human doctors did once apon a time, truly believe deep down that the sufferers should be isolated and shunned, allowed to die for the good of the other healthy ones in the community. Maybe they tell themselves that this is best for the dogs who are currently infected, candy-coating this idyllic euthanasia lie that is so deeply imbedded in our culture, deciding that they have the right to speak for these dogs who rely so much on humans to protect them. When humans think of putting an animal "out of its misery" they think of it as a "compassionate" final act, but this has become too easy an excuse not to hang in there and fight for these very fragile lives.
To romanticise death is a mistake. When my mother was dying of cancer in the summer of 1987 she had envisioned dying at home with all her loved-ones around her as a graceful and painless passing and so did everyone else in my extended family. My cousin, Helen, is a nurse, and her father, a doctor. That last few weeks waiting for my mother to die were anything but graceful or painless. I remember when my father called me to come stay in the house. We all thought the end was near, maybe two or three days, but in fact she lingered for 2-3 weeks. By that time the cancer had metastacised throughout her body and it was attacking her brain. I wittnessed during those last weeks her having grand mal seizures, writhing in pain, despite the heavy pain medication dripping into her arm at all times, her difficulty breathing, and drowning in her own mucus due to the shutting down of her autonomic nervous system and her swallowing. She eventually slipped into a coma and never regained consciousness (as we know it), but I can't help but wonder whether she might still have been suffering but unable to move or call out for help, locked inside a body which was a veritable time-bomb, trapped with a horrible monster that lived inside her.

My cousin Helen said to me one day while we were sitting by her bedside, "I always thought the experience of death done this way, at home was a beautiful, natural and dignified part of life, but it's not that way at all, it's horrible!" Yes, that it is. Death is horrible. Don't be sucked into all the propaganda telling you it's this merciful release from pain and suffering, because it's not. Maybe there are those rare occasions when someone dies instantly from a head-on collision in a car or airplane, or has a quick and powerful heart attack, but when one dies of a disease no matter on pain meds or not there is nothing quick and merciful about it.

Before you think about putting yout pet "to sleep" (another euphamism) read all the literature about the use of lethal injection in humans who are on Death Row. Just because you may not see any struggling from the outside looking in, don't assume for a minute that the recipient of such injection is not suffering and is merely going to sleep and then dying painlessly. Too much recently has been discovered to the contrary. Part of what's in those injections is a paralytic, which means that it renders the person or animal unable to move or respond. It has often been discovered that the part that renders the recipient unconscious does not always work or does not work before the other ingredient takes hold of the body. Imagine being fully conscious of your heart stopping and other vital organs shutting down, but unable to tell anyone or even move your pinky to let them know you are feeling each excruciating moment. There have been Death Row inmates whose executions have been stayed because of a botched job like this and they lived to report their experience. What they reported was blinding pain, the worst kind you could imagine! Several states have since re-visited legislation regarding such procedures and even challenged the current laws allowing it, posing the question as to whether it may constitute cruel and unusual punishment.
This is why vets need to stop doing this to animals. It is NOT humane! Not only is it not humane, the option to "legally" kill an animal this way opens the door for every lazy and selfish person in the world who doesn't want to spend the time or money to fix the problem an animal has. In animals this practice is completely unregulated and can be done for just about any reason. Jack Kavorkian did some heavy time for promoting this kind of thing in humans. Imposing this upon animals who cannot speak for themselves or make an informed decision of their own is an ethical problem. It is one thing if a human chooses that for him/herself, but strict regulations need to be put into place to see to it that the option is not abused and that families don't abuse their Power of Attorney to "put down" relatives who have become an emotional and financial burden to them. The methods used also need to be re-evaluated and proven not to cause suffering.

My guess is that most if not all animals if they understood this issue would choose to live rather than to die.

Animals have none of the emotional issues we humans have attached to long-term illness and disability and they live in the moment. Their lives are relatively simple compared to ours, and they only want to be loved, to eat, and to drink water, and maybe walk around the yard a little. They have no responsabilities to make money, thoughts about whether they are pulling their weight, nor do they have to take care of others.

I took lots and lots of pictures of Carmella yesterday, and made several really nice black and white photos which I'm going to have made into custom rubber stamps. I was hoping the company I was planning on purchasing from would e-mail me by the end of today but they haven't. It looks like I can't put in an order until tomorrow so that I can get started soon on my new line. The woman I got an e-mail from last week was supposed to get back to me to let me know whether the ones I sent her would take well, but still no word.

At some point I'll probably look into getting a Photopolymer plate-making kit, but I wanted to try a few this way first because it's alot less expensive.

Carmella was restless again today, pulling on my clothing and wanting to go outside and then immediately wanting to come in again. Her jerking is getting pretty severe now and she has fallen a few times already today.

I spent a long time sending out press releases to every TV news station in town. One or two came back undeliverable, one news reporter had an automated e-mail saying he was out of town until the 17th, and several sent automated e-mail responses already saying they received my correspondence and that I'd receive a response within 72 hours.

Next I'll go to National news agencies and shows like 20/20 or Dateline. I'm wondering how I'd go about submitting my press release to the AP wire. Apparently that goes out to every news agency in the country.

http://Giftbearer.etsy.com

Some Lateral Moves

It's the weekend again. That means not much will be moving that requires contacting businesses, but I did get two names of vets, one here (and one located in Florida, given to me by the woman whose dog was recently put to sleep).

I wrote the one in Florida but it seems to be an outdated e-mail address because even though I wrote directly through his website bellsouth sent it back stating this was not one of their customers. Well, another one down. It was too late yesterday to get in touch with the local vet whose name had been given me by the founder of a disability transportation rights group, and I was not able to find any website or e-mail for her. There were reviews, most of them glowingly favorable, but it appeared the last two which were left in the past one or two weeks were negative, noting that the vet did not seem herself and was letting her standards slip this month. It could be just something temporary going on in her life interfering with her work, but you can never know for sure.

All these vets I've been getting the contact info for seem iffy in one way or another. I'm not sure whether most vets are unstable/unreliable as a group or whether it's just been unlucky that the ones people have happened to have recommended just turned out to be flakey. Maybe they all start out pretty good and then burn out. I sure hope there are some solid ones out there. Carmella really needs one to come through.

I wrote Dr. Sears to let him know that so far we've been unsuccessful at getting a vet to do the procedure, and he wrote back saying he was sorry I was running into these barriers, but this is not uncommon, as most vets are afraid of it because it's not been published. I wrote him back and said that I think it may require for him to break the ice by starting to do workshops at conferences before the ball will get rolling. Hopefully he'll listen to that advice, as I truly believe that will make a difference. Vets need to hear it right from the horse's mouth and published or not, a conference is nevertheless a respectable place for vets to get their continuing education once settled into private practice. They may not seek him out to learn about this treatment but if they're already signed up for a big conference and they see this on the program they might be curious to see what he has to say. Curiosity is a good step toward integrating something new into what they consider to be useful methods.

The repairman was here most of the day yesterday. I had still had very little sleep and felt as though my brain was still asleep when I got up knowing he would be arriving soon. He got to work on some damage caused by squirrels who had decided to move their nest indoors into a corner. They had chewed their way clean through and I'd often heard them running around my attic just above my bedroom (sometimes at the wee hours of the morning, which did not help my sleep patterns any).

Carmella seemed to like him and as he got up on the stepladder to replace some wooden planks, she whined for him to come back and play with her. I had told him about her condition earlier and he jokingly told her how clumsy and uncoordinated she was, not seeming to get the connection. I think I had pointed that out once as being part of the neurological effects of the disease, but it didn't seem to register for long. Despite his joking manner the comments began to grate on me a little. When she bumped into his leg while running he asked her if she needed glasses. His somewhat insulting humor started to get old pretty fast. After all, I really love this dog, and her incoordination is not due to stupidity or some sort of inadequacy on her part. Considering what she's dealing with she gets around pretty damn well. I believe he likes her but, OK, enough ribbing already. It's kind of like telling a woman with breast cancer that she can use her bald chemo-ravaged head for a bowling ball or kidding a man with testicular cancer that now his wife will trade him in for a man "with balls". Carmella, unaware of the content behind the words wagged her tail and jumped up to lick his face. This newcomer seemed to captivate her and she accepted him as non-threatening only because I had let him in. His entrance unimpeded was a priviledge. Had he been a stranger she would have met him at the door with barking, growls, and beared teeth. Carmella generally doesn't like men coming into her territory. The man who lives next door came out into his driveway next to the fence today and was talking kind of loud and she really went off.

I ordered some molding compound today recommened by a fellow jewelry artist in preparation for the new line I'm planning and am planning out what images will work best to create molds of.

Also, I've been looking into ways to put video on my blog, and gathering ideas for which news agencies to contact with my press release.

Today was a day for putting key steps into position. Sometimes one must move sideways in order to move forward.

Carmella seemed to have slowed down on her voracious need to chew everything that passed her nose, so I let her lie on the rug of the computer room while I cooked homemade chili and spaghetti sauce for my meals over the next week so all I'd have to do then is heat them up. She seemed to lie there calmly for about a half hour but while I was paying close attention to these dishes to make sure they didn't burn I looked back at her to find that she was in the process of chewing the speaker wires to my computer and that to my horror the wires were hanging from both speakers, severed, with bits of plastic covering on the floor by her front paws. I ran in there and grabbed her but she'd bitten clean through them and the wires were not the type you could buy replacements for. They were firmly attached at the end where they connected to the back of each speaker. If my sound drivers were installed I would have been twice as furious, but the last computer technician had not reinstalled them so I've been going without sound for a long time. I may still have some older speakers that I didn't throw away and if so then maybe I won't have to buy new ones. At some point I would like to get the sound working again so that I can listen to what people are saying when I watch tutorials on techniques.

A notice came encouraging me to apply for the annual ACRE show held in Las Vegas sponsored by WholesaleCrafts.com came by e-mail. Every year I have wanted to do this show, and each year I've had to pass it up because I just don't have $1,995 or even $498.75/Month for their payment plan. I heard that lots of artists racked up at that show last year and the year before. This is one of my pet peeves (the shows with the really good customer-bases having entry fees priced so high it's inaccessible to people who don't already have lots of disposable income). I would love to see either scholarships provided or a cap put on what show organizers can charge for entry fee. Also, for years shows never charged a jurying fee, then it was a nominal one, and now it's often $50-$75 in addition to the entry fee.

I'm sorry but I just don't think judges need to be paid that much just to sit in a room and look at slides or digital photos and say, "yes, no, yes, no" or to give a score. The system has become one of exploitation of the artist and not one of looking for great talent and accepting applicants based on merit. This type of system helps the rich get richer and leaves the poor no vehicle through which to attain more capitol. If your perfect market is there but you can't even get in the door because of lack of money then that is a problem. It becomes a vicious cycle because if all you have access to are the shows with a few of your target customers and mostly browsers and those luke warm to what you have for sale, then there is a glass ceiling on your earnings. Over the past year I have not had the money at the time any really good show's entries are due, and in my part of the country there are only really a small handful of shows with good, buying customers who come back to purchase at the same ones each year.

For a time there were some options available in which the fees were $65.00 or less that still had pretty good customers. There were even some who looked for me each year intending to buy because they liked what they'd bought from me the previous year(s), but then those shows stopped being held for one reason or another and I lost those resources. Trying to get the customers from there to then buy from me online was unsuccessful and even offering a free pair of earrings with their first online purchase did not motivate them. I can only surmise that it has to do with where I live, because most people I've spoken with for whom that has worked did not live in Georgia.

Many of the galleries and neat little stores here selling hand-made art objects that once existed have since gone out of business, and the ones that remain do not seem to want to carry any more artists than their old standbys. Georgia's economy must be even worse than the National average. I know that alot of this is due to the depletion of the Federal budget, our country's money having been diverted into the war in Iraq, but Georgia seems to have been hit especially hard. I was just at the mall yesterday and even the big commercial department stores like Macy's and JC Penny looked like an abandoned ghost town. Items were in disarray, shelves were allowed to sit with big gaps in conspicuously absent inventory, and even many of the lights were left off in the afternoon. Whole lines that had been there for months had been discontinued and displays removed. Things looked disheveled and nobody was putting clothing back in its proper place. It looked as though these department stores had a bare bones crew. Even some of the vendors in the food court were closed.

The woman who lives a mile away from me tells me that Sonny Perdue, Georgia's Governor, cut a major section where she works responsible for putting disabled people back to work. There had been nobody hiring their clientele for a long time and so those employees pretty much had given up trying.

These kinds of economic changes are scary. If Government agencies are being cut to the bone, then it stands to reason that this is a hard place for an artist who makes his/her money from non-essential items to live. The ironic thing is that while selling online used to be considered a real crap-shoot, it has probably become easier for a Georgia artist to sell their wares online than it would be in a local brick and mortar store.

Taking all these variables into account my strategy is going to focus on contacts outside of Georgia through which to sell my work. I don't want to do consignment in places I can't physically travel to but I welcome outright purchases made from my Etsy store by brick and mortar stores. If you own one that you're looking to stock, please check out what I have available and consider making a purchase or placing a custom order. If you would like to test market a few pieces before placing a big order that would be relatively low-risk. Be sure to keep an eye on my shop and bookmark it to watch for my upcoming line. I believe this is going to appeal to many!

If you would like to help Carmella there are three easy ways to do that;

* Start your holiday shopping now at http://Giftbearer.etsy.com/

* Use the donation button on the upper right of my blog, or

* Buy a $5.00 ad on my blog in my "Top Spots" through Scratchback

Thank you, all of you who have already donated and/or bought ad space. Keep it up, and keep reading and commenting. Carmella and I both really appreciate your love and support.

Maybe

I woke up this morning with a headache and my nose all stuffed up. The phone woke me from a sound sleep.

"Is this Ms. Carlington?" It was a woman whom I didn't recognize.

"Yes."

"This is Dr. Norwood's office. I'm the vet filling in for Dr. Norwood while he's on vacation. He'll be in Aruba for a full week. The reason I'm calling is that I received a strange phone call this morning from a woman who has been reading your blog and your postings on a Distemper message board. She's from Miami and she has a dog with Distemper, and she wanted me to give you her name, and contact information because her dog isn't doing well and she heard that Carmella was responding well to her treatment. I think she just needs someone to talk to who is in the same boat. Would you be willing to talk to her?"

"Sure. Yes, give me the information and I'll see what I can do to help her get some help with this, but you realize that Carmella still needs the shot in the spinal canal before she'll be finished with her treatment."

"Yes, I read her whole record. It's quite amazing! I don't hear about many dogs with Distemper. I read that she's having myoclonis."

"Yes, and it's getting worse."

"That's quite common in dogs with Distemper. Is she on any anti-seizure meds for it?"

"No, not yet. That would mask the symptoms and until we find a vet to do this procedure that would not really be in her best interest. If they don't see the symptoms they're less likely to treat her, thinking she can just live with it. That would make sense to give her that after she's treated though if the jerking doesn't resolve."

"It can relax the muscles."

"It's important that she get this virus out of her brain so it can't continue to do further damage. Where do you practice usually? Do you have experience with spinal taps? I figured I'd ask while I'm at it."

"I don't really have a regular office. I'm a floater. I just fill in for other vets, and I haven't ever done a spinal tap before."

"Oh that's too bad. Do you know what's going on with Dr. Norwood? He was talking to me regulary because this is a pretty serious situation and after UGA turned Carmella down he had his vet tech give me the news but he himself never returned my calls. Is he OK? I was wondering if he was giving up on her."

"The records really didn't say much other than that UGA said no. He didn't leave any notes. I guess is is stressed out by his job in general so that's why he had to take a vacation but he didn't make any reference to this case. Have you tried Auburn? They're really good. I used to go over there all the time. They're about as far as UGA."

"No, not yet. Is it really no further than UGA? I thought it was way far away."

"No, it's about the same."

I told her about the Fulton County Animal control and the epidemic over there, and Carmella's recovery after the first shot, and how vets really should spread the word about this and encourage their colleagues to start using it so that others would not have to go through the agony I'm going through and that this woman is now suffering. She then gave me the woman's contact info and just then a patient came in and she had to go, but told me she'd call me back to talk further.

I waited until about 3:30 to hear back from Dr. Westmoreland in Perry and then made another long distance call. Dr. Westmoreland was in with a patient and the receptionist was not the same one I'd spoken with yesterday so she knew nothing about what I was referring to. She left the phone for a long time and then a man answered the phone.

"Hello, Ms. Carlington? This is Dr. Slappy. Can I help you?"

"Yes, I was waiting to talk to Dr. Westmoreland. One of his patients told me she thought he might be open to doing experimental things."

"He's with a patient. Is there anything I can do to help".

"Well we need a vet who has had experience doing spinal taps." I gave him a quick rundown about the protocol and what it involved and about Carmella's situation. He seemed familiar with NDV.

"Do you have the exact instructions for it?"

"Yes, and Dr. Sears who developed it will be willing to speak with any vet I'm working with to guide them through it. I have his e-mail address and two phone numbers for him."

"You realize that there is a very bad possible side effect of spinal taps and injecting anything into that area...death" he said flippantly. "It's a possibility we might be able to do this. Let me call Dr. Sears and I'll get back in touch with you later on today or tomorrow."

"Also could you find out from Dr. Westmoreland whether he ever received my e-mail. I sent it twice. It has Carmella's whole story in it."

"Yes, I'll do that too. Let me get your e-mail."

I gave him my e-mail address and we got off the phone.

I told my best friend about what the vet filling in for Dr. Norwood said about Auburn being as close as UGA and she said that on mapquest it was quite a bit further than what she said and that it would be too far for her; she would get sick. She told me she really hoped Dr. Brantly would change his mind and decide to do it. There was something about the sound of this one we both weren't too sure about.

Hopefully we can get a committment from a vet this week or next because she will be indisposed for about two weeks, and I don't have anyone else to take me. The woman I've known for 20 years who lives just one mile away sure won't do it and keeps making little digs each chance she gets asking how I'm going to get here and there.

I took some more cute pictures of Carmella today. She is still falling every once in awhile, but when she's not falling she is quite graceful running around the back yard. She grabbed a big stick and dragged it around, an old dirty T-shirt someone had thrown back there, and a piece of what looked like linoleum. She was really funny dragging that stuff around with her.

Then she plopped down into the ornamental edging grass that grew around the perimeter of the yard on the side near my next door neighbor's house and near the back porch, chewing on sticks and rolling around, then bounding in and out of it.

The neighbor's brown and white bulldog breathed noisily on the other side of the fence, panting and wobbling about on its stubby legs. It was too afraid of Carmella to venture very close, but watched her from a safe distance. Carmella bounded up to the fence boldly with her tail raised in a semicircle and whined expectantly. The other dog didn't come forward but instead averted its eyes and turned away.

I was taking lots of pictures and trying to get Carmella to look at me when suddenly I noticed out of the corner of my eye the neighbor lady standing just inside her garage, staring at me. She didn't make a move to speak to me but just stood there gawking. She's a little strange. I don't know what her deal is, but it's got to be something. I didn't say anything to her because her energy gave me the creeps. I figured it best to just ignore it. She went back inside the house and Carmella resumed her playing in the long grass. It was beginning to get too dark, so after getting quite a number of good shots I decided to call it a day. Carmella was tired and hungry and so was I.

Tomorrow will be another long day trying to get that maybe turned into a yes.

If you'd like to help Carmella you can buy an ad on my blog, donate, or go to my Etsy store and start your holiday shopping early this year. I am gearing up to start some new pieces, so be sure to put me on your "to buy from" list if you love silver because some great items are coming! In the meantime take a look at the other jewelry designs I currently have available; 70 items to choose from!

http://Giftbearer.etsy.com/

Starting To Catch Up

Today was relatively uneventful. I called the vet in Perry again to see if he'd read my e-mail and it turned out he never got it. It had not come back undeliverable, so either their spam blocker intercepted it or maybe someone printed it out the day I sent it and misfiled it. I re-sent it and the receptionist told me he'd either call me after hours tonight or in the morning. I didn't hear from him tonight so I guess that means tomorrow will be the day I will have some news one way or the other. I am praying that this one will do it.

No response yet from the news reporter so I may have to do some calling tomorrow about that.

I'm now working on the logistics for a new line of jewelry. Since my PMC seems to be what's most popular and most everything else has just been sitting in my shop it occurred to me that I should go back to that and develop some new and exciting designs in that medium. I have had it planned to make some interesting molds for quite awhile but other things kept getting in the way. Now that the silver market is going down again it looks as if I may be able to pick up where I left off. Next I will be developing some pieces made from my artwork. If I can get Carmella's treatment all squared away then I may be back on schedule with my business plan. The original Budding Vine bracelets are unique but recently even they are starting to be copied in one sneaky way or another (and they are trademarked and published which affords them more protection than a copyright). I'm not in the suing mood right now, as I've got enough on my plate with Carmella's situation, but that is not an open invitation to encourage anybody to go on doing this. I probably need to zag in another direction for awhile and give these people a run for their money. If they are following my work trying to come up with cheaper versions of my most popular pieces I'm about to make it alot harder to pull off. I will be incorporating some things into my next line that are not at all easy to copy, and anyone who tries will spend so much time it will eat up whatever profit they hope to make on it.

It rained today for a good bit of the afternoon and Carmella began to get increasingly antsy as time went on. She still cannot be trusted wandering around the house by herself because she'll chew up vital things like electrical cords and clothing, blankets, and other items, but she has been whining to get out of the kitchen alot more often than she needs to go out in the yard to go to the bathroom and she does not want me to leave the room after I go in there to snuggle and pet her. She tugs on my pants leg and even tries to hold on with her front paws.

Tonight when I let her outside her front right leg gave way and she fell down. She got right back up, but I am getting worried about this falling because at first it was mainly stumbling but now she actually ends up on the ground. This is not good and probably means that the demyelination is still getting worse. This could be also why she's so restless and clingy today. She seems to sense when there is disease-progression.

I was pleasantly surprised today when I checked my e-mail and found several donations and another person had bought an ad space on my blog! Thank you! Thank you! Keep it up, everybody. Each bit helps.

Also in the mail I received a Hill Tribes leaf from April of ALJ designs from a blog contest that I won. I will make something very special with it. Check out her shop here: http://aljdesigns.etsy.com/

Slowly but surely I think I'm catching up on my sleep as well.

I spent some time today researching brass and what I found out was very interesting. Apparently there are many different alloys that are considered brass. Brass has mostly Copper and Zinc in it, but it can also have a number of other metals included, and some Brass alloys even have small trace amounts of arsenic or lead in them. One site I was reading on listed 11 different types of brass but they said that this was just the tip of the ice burgh. There are many more. I guess that's why there's no "standard" way to preserve the patina or the shine on brass, because depending on the proportions of metals in it it may respond better to one method and another brass might respond better to another. It seems to me that some standards for manufacturing should be made as they are for copper, silver, and gold as to the composition and purity of the component metals in it. To have such a broad category called brass seems to cheapen it. I've never been a big fan of brass myself, but I must admit I am temped to try some of those lacy antiqued beadcaps and components that dress up a single bead or other focal piece to look really fancy, and I do like the dragonflies that wrap around things. I love Copper but have been unable to find such detailed components in it as I see in the antiqued brass.

Tonight Carmella's jerking is particularly bad. It is making her ears and entire head jerk from the sheer force of it. I hope tomorrow a vet will have mercy on her and go ahead and make a committment.

If you would like to help please go to the donation link on the right, buy a $5.00 ad on my blog, and/or buy some art jewelry from my shop. Thanks to all of you who have been contributing in one way or another to help Carmella get well! With Love and Action All things are possible! http://Giftbearer.etsy.com/

The Day After...

Today was rather anticlimactic after yesterday's devastating news. I called Dr. Norwood's office only to find that he was indisposed and giving minimal messages to his receptionists for them to relay, anything to avoid talking to me. Just how long does he really think that will work? Gwen, the office manager told me that he was in with a patient and that he had them back to back and after his last patient he had to leave. Yes, hiding from the problem will solve everything...NOT! I may have to get out that chicken picture again if that continues, LOL.

Distemper doesn't stop, so neither can we. Sometimes I run out of ideas but there is always the next day, and the day after that, and I always think of something. A good night's sleep can make things look alot more hopeful the next morning.

My definition of failure is when you stop trying. OK so you didn't make your financial goal today, then set it again for tomorrow. You didn't locate the right briolettes for a pair of earrings. Do you just say, "It's hopeless. I just can't make my earrings. I failed, so just forget it"? No, you just look someplace else, ask somebody, look on the internet, call bead shops, ask other artists. Do you divorce your husband after the first time he comes home late and say, "Oh well, I guess marrying you was a big mistake but it's nothing a quickie divorce won't fix"? No. You talk to him and see if you can work something out.

A friend and I were discussing earlier on the phone that our society has become one of avoidance of pain and work, and people's tolerance for a little bit of hassle has become zero.

People complain if they have to sit in traffic more than 5 minutes, it's a "major" inconvenience if God forbid someone has to take time off from work to take somebody to a doctor's appointment, and almost everyone these days seems to feel depleted to the point that they can't see beyond their own self-preservation. Desicions are made based on liability rather than because they're the right thing to do, and there are those that have an absolute anxiety attack if they don't take their cell phone everywhere with them. They practically have an accident because they're so riveted to their latest techno-gadget they lose touch with their surroundings. If somebody else's ordeal makes them uncomfortable they just "change the channel" and disconnect from their own feelings, stick their fingers in their ears and sing loudly, "Don't Worry, Be Happy" as if they can make all the world's problems go away with a giant dose of denial.

I don't operate that way. I couldn't knowing that a serious problem still sits there unsolved. There is only so long one can kid themselves into believing a problem will solve itself without action. The problem at hand mainly exists because too many people just passed the buck, each one making it someone else's ball to pick up; a ball they dropped. Each time it happens it puts a little more inertia out there into the universe. Instead why don't they do the opposite for a change; add more action to the universe. A single brick by itself cannot make anything recognizable, but when bricks are put together and they fit just where they should, big, strong buildings are the result. Take them out one by one, and the structure collapses.

Like your primary care doctor, the primaary care vet is an important building block in your pet's healthcare. In times of crisis he/she is the one whose action or lack of action may ultimately determine whether your pet lives or dies. He/she is the first line advocate (aside from the owner), a liason between you and specialists whose cooperation is all-important in getting what the pet needs. If he/she hides their head in the sand then who is there to communicate your animal's need, only you, and that's not a good position to be in. Vets tend to listen better to other vets than to owners. It is just a fact of life. If your primary care vet caves at a crucial time then other vets are going to be asking "Where is he? Why isn't he or she calling instead of you?" all questions you cannot answer yourself, not being inside your vet's mind.

In some crass way, Dr. Norwood may have been bathing himself in the anesthesic rationalization that he would spend today serving pets he "can" help. "Triage", God I hate that word. This is an inside look at Social Darwinism at its worst. Carmella deserves better. She did not do this to herself, nor did I do it to her. I'm trying like hell to save her and the ones who need to back me up most just aren't there! Lord knows I've spent enough money at that vet's office not to be given the bum's rush. He could have taken 5 minutes to call me between patients, but instead he decided to dodge and weave while Carmella sits and jerks.

I e-mailed him (this time to the correct e-mail address), sent him the 13 studies to read over that I'd sent to Dr. Brantly, and an update on Carmella, asking that he not give up on her and that he call me before the weekend to give me the details of his conversation with the vets at UGA. Knowing the reason she was turned down does matter because it will help me prepare our defense in case the same objection comes up again.

Dr. Brantley's receptionist took my message and said she'd have him check his e-mail and his voicemail and had me leave him another message there. He hadn't returned my call by the end of the day. Tomorrow I have one last name to check in Perry, Georgia. Maybe he will have mercy on Carmella and do what these others have neglected to do.

If you are a vet in or near Atlanta, you know one, or have one in your family, please contact me if you think you might have a prospect. Sometimes the solution is right under your nose.

On my blog there are also three financial support options provided with which you can help with Carmella's vet bill; advertising here on my blog, donating (links in the sidebar on the right), and if you enjoy art jewelry check out my Etsy store for a variety of unique designs.

Soon I plan to do an all-out media blitz. Perhaps that will reach enough vets and somebody will respond and step up to the plate. I'll go on the TV news if I have to and approach the Atlanta Journal and Constitution. I'm setting an intention today to bring out those who will be of most help to Carmella. If she does not make it I know it will be man's will; not God's. Who could deny such a lovely creature?

http://Giftbearer.etsy.com/

Freefalling Without a Net!

I knew something didn't feel right this morning. Last night I was up until around 5:00 AM knowing I'd have to work overtime to see that Carmella gets the help she needs. I couldn't sleep, knowing that that "thing" was eating away at her white matter each day she goes without the shot of NDV into the spinal canal. Not hearing from Dr. Norwood Friday and not hearing back yesterday had me fearing the worst.

It seemed as though the receptionists weren't rushing to have him call me back and were just nonchallantly telling me they'd "give him the message". I had the surreal feeling that I was the only one in the world who understood how urgent this was becoming. The vet's office seemed to be operating as if it were just another routine day, and something about that seemed very odd and left me with an uneasy feeling.

I told Gwen, the office manager that the e-mail address they'd given me the other day was coming back undeliverable, and read it to her off the card, and she told me that someone had put a dot where there shouldn't have been one. I changed it, and told her to please have Dr. Norwood call me because Carmella needed to get in to UGA as soon as possible now that she was worse. She reiterated that she'd "give him the message", and it felt more like a brush-off than a promise. I was not holding my breath.

Wondering if I was crazy (but for only about 30 seconds) her seeming lack of concern was incongruent with the current circumstance. No, of course I'm not crazy, I thought, snapping back to reality! This is like a nightmare... only it's real. All too real, and there's no waking up and saying, "Phew, I'm glad this isn't really happening and Carmella's here safe and sound, just a bad dream". I've read the biochemistry, seen the symptoms worsening with my own eyes, and so has Dr. Norwood. It would be all too convenient to write this off as my being an hysterical dog owner worried about nothing. That was last week's tactic, but it didn't fly then and it doesn't now in the face of even more obvious disease-progression. No, that would be the chicken's way out for the Dr. Do-Nothings of the world. Something was up surely as fish rots and leaves a tell-tale stench.

After returning from the Post Office and buying a few things at the grocery store, I just wanted to go home. I passed up most of my shopping list because I just didn't feel much like eating...ever again. Carmella's restlessness seemed to rub off on me and I just couldn't feel OK no matter what I did, like having a bee stuck inside your pants leg, unable to get it out. I think I would have enjoyed the trip out more if a friend had been there with me, but the solitude only intensified my sense of being alone with what seemed like an insurmountable problem.

The paratransit van came late to pick me up and I made a mental note that I was right to have forgone the ice cream, as a woman with blotched arms with a metal folding cart approached the driver as I boarded the vehicle and asked if she would please let her ride with her because her ice cream was melting. Her liftvan was late too, and the driver muttered something under her breath about not helping her if she was going to curse her out, not meant for her to hear. The other passenger was not cursing her out or even raising her voice, just merely saying that they needed to take it into consideration when people go to the grocery store and have no other transportation that they need to pick them up on time so food won't go to waste. It sounded like a legitimate gripe to me. The driver apologized to her and told her she couldn't, that she had to take me home and then pick up someone else right after. The woman with the folding cart was not happy when told it would be 15-20 more minutes she'd have to wait for her scheduled vehicle to get to her. I am very aware of these problems, as I belong to an organization that is trying to improve Atlanta's transit system for people with disabilities (but that story will have to wait for another day).

I returned home and let Carmella out into the back yard. She was enjoying the sun and chewing on sticks and pine cones as usual. It got pretty hot out there and as she ran around she started panting with a long tongue in proportion to her rather short snout. She looked rather comical, so I decided to go get the camera and take some more pictures. Here she is viciously attacking a weed.

As I wasn't fully satisfied with the pictures I'd taken of my last three pairs of new earrings, I took more of those too, perching them on branches and leaves, and on the pinestraw, making use of the bright sunlight.

Carmella was ready to come inside in about an hour, starting to jerk even standing on her feet, and so I took some more pictures of her in the livingroom and bedroom while she rested and got some really great perspectives. Then as I was editing a really good one, the phone rang. It was the male vet tech, Arudis, from Dr. Norwood's office. I hoped he was calling to tell me that UGA wanted Carmella to come in, but from the sound of his voice I could tell the news was not good.

"Dr. Norwood wanted me to call and tell you that UGA said they won't do it."

I felt like an hourglass with sand leaking out of a hole in the bottom. I tried my best to plug it up and keep the sand from escaping, but it seemed inevitable. "Oh no! What did they say? Why?"

"I don't know. Dr. Norwood didn't tell me. He just said they told him no. He left early but asked me to call you. He can tell you the details when he gets back tomorrow. You can call him and talk further."

"Will he be in all day?"

"Yes."

"I've been really worried about Carmella over the weekend because her jerking is still getting worse. Now what are we going to do?"

"I don't know. You'll have to talk to him about that."

I had fleeting images in my head of a dead dog in the road with cars driving by. His demeanor, like Gwen's, was a little too nonchallant. He seemed disconnected as though he felt nothing at all about the news.

No sooner had I gotten off the phone and gone back to editing the current picture of Carmella, I burst into tears. Her face seemed to stare back at me, pleading for help. I couldn't bear to look at it anymore, so I turned off Photoshop for the time being.

This horrible verdict had been handed down just as casually as if I'd been told that fries at McDonalds were a dollar forty-nine. I wondered why Dr. Norwood couldn't have called me himself.

I wrote Dr. Sears to tell him, and then decided to write Dr. Brantly. I remembered that he had said that if she'd been worse he would have done it. Well, now she is. In my e-mail I begged him to do the procedure, explained that there was only one more vet I knew of to ask and he hadn't responded. I asked what it would take for him to do this, and asked if he could arrange to get the dog-based serum from the vet he knew was using it in the body of dogs in Alabama. I told him I didn't know who else to turn to. Everyone I'd asked had said no and was just standing there while my dog got worse and worse. Carmella was in the kitchen in her bed having tremors and jerking, and again I worried that she might have a full-blown seizure.

My head was starting to hurt so I couldn't stay on the computer much longer. I must have cried for about 3 hours straight and so I took something for the headache and went to lie down hoping I'd either fall asleep or find something on TV to distract myself from the agony that had descended upon me like a heavy blanket.

I called my best friend and told her what had happened. She agreed that Dr. Brantly was worth a try since he had almost agreed to it in the beginning, and she and I brainstormed some ideas about what to do next. Tomorrow I'll call his office and see if I can get him to listen and re-evaluate the situation given Carmella's worsened condition.

Later, I took Carmella out of the kitchen to spend some time with her. I sat on the floor of the computer room to pet her and she started chewing on me again. The more I observed her behavior the more it appeared as if her reaction to being near me was an issue of overstimulation because when I tried to hold her mouth closed to keep her from poking holes in my skin and tried to hold her still, the more she struggled. Some puppies would have eventually stopped and just curled up in my lap, but she seemed to struggle almost as if her life was in danger. She really went berserk! This makes me wonder if her nerve endings are oversensitized due to demyelination. If my hand is anywhere near her, especially her face she seems to have a compulsion to gnaw on it, not aggressively, but defensively. I can hardly ever pet her anymore without her doing this. She also gets more riled up when I say, "No!" to get her to stop biting on me. She has sort of a startle reaction, not fear, but as if she can't stand the intensity of the voice or touch when I hold her away from me to keep her from chomping down or even trying to hold her on my lap. Ignoring her doesn't work so well either, or putting my hands behind my back. She'll try to pinch some flesh on my upper arm if she can't get my hands, feet, or pants leg. Bribing her with a dog treat to sit and lie down only works the first 2 times if at all when she's like this and then she takes a run at me again. I used to train dogs when I worked for a dog breeder, so most of these tactics I've mentioned work on other dogs, but so far the only thing that works (only sometimes) is to pretend to be another dog and put her on her back and pin her down by the neck briefly. This doesn't hurt the dog, but is often a last resort when nothing else will work. Sometimes I have to do this 3 times to get her to stop. Sometimes she stops completely and other times just pauses, then tries again. Wolves pin others in the pack down by the neck to establish dominance with other wolves and dogs do it during play with other dogs. The fact that this last method doesn't always keep her stopped makes me think that she might have problems with her short-term memory and possibly also impulse-control.

Sometimes the only thing I can do is put her by herself to get her to calm down. If she takes a nap she wakes up in a calmer state of mind and will come over and lick me under the chin (which is a submissive gesture), or she'll sit in my lap and allow me to snuggle her.

Earlier today she chewed two good-sized holes in my blue blanket. Luckily that one was not expensive, but I really have to watch her if I let her lie on my bed so she doesn't try to chew the thick comforter underneath.

Last night a very helpful Etsy seller suggested putting a donation widget on my blog, so I got that set up. If you can't buy jewelry but would still like to do something to help with Carmella's medical expenses there is now a way to do that on this blog through my paypal account! Go to the box to your right in the sidebar that says "Please Donate to Carmella" and click the little box where it says "Make" below. The little Paypal logo is not showing up but it should still work. I got the bill today from Care Credit and boy is it a whopper! The sooner I get that paid off the better. Your help is much appreciated. Carmella and I thank you!

http://Giftbearer.etsy.com/

Today's Search for a Neuro Vet

So far we have not had any luck finding a neurological vet or someone with experience doing spinal taps to do this procedure. A friend of mine had given me several names and I started with her own vet first.

It turned out he and Dr. Norwood new each other, but instead of being excited at learning of a possible new cure this guy was wary right off the bat. He immediately said he was afraid of liability (from whom I wonder when Carmella would die for sure if she does not have it). If he's worried about liability he should be more worried about his failure to act killing her than the treatment. It really burns me up when people think it's better to allow some living thing to die needlessly than to lift a finger and give it much better odds of living and even being completely fixed up. This guy just doesn't get the risk/benefit concept at all.

He said he'd have to "read up on it" yet he barely listened to take down the researcher's e-mail address and some of the sites that went into greater detail about what this entails. Instead, he promptly told me he was going to call my vet and talk to him, and it appeared that he went fear-mongering to try to dissuade him from helping. It didn't work though and I got a call from Dr. Norwood telling me that he would still work with us and that we'd persue other doctors. That was a relief.

Then no more than 5 or 10 minutes later this other guy called back and in a very edgy tone informed me that this was "experimental", the dog's prognosis because of her diagnosis is "poor", and that he couldn't do it. I told him that it was precisely the fact that her prognosis is poor that made this a good move because this is the only shot we have to save the dog, otherwise it is a 100% certainty that she WILL DIE sooner or later if the virus in the Central Nervous System is left untreated. I guess that was OK with him but it wasn't OK with me. I mean come on! Isn't any doctor's duty to preserve life? Letting a dog die when there is something you can do about it is downright cruel, especially the kind of horrible death a dog with Distemper has.

This other vet (I will call him Dr. T because I don't want to print his name here) seemed personally angry and offended that Dr. Norwood was not going to be deterred from this and he said nastily, "Dr. Norwood is going way out on a limb to do as much as he has so far, so I sure hope you appreciate it!"

I said "Yes, I sure do! He's great!" That only seemed to make him more pissed. Needless to say we did not stay on the phone much longer and he told me again that he couldn't do it, and I said OK and that was the end of that. I wondered why Dr. T felt compelled to try to sabotage this effort rather than just say no and walk away if he personally didn't want to help. Was he in bed with some drug company that manufactured maintenence meds for dogs dying of Distemper, or did he feel some sort of twisted sense of indignation that anyone would spend so much time and money on saving a dog when he felt he'd been neglected in his lifetime and didn't have people come through for him. Whatever it was it was a very strange reaction and no help, to say the least.

I am running on fumes right now, chronically sleep-deprived, unable to really rest until I know this has been completed and that Carmella is on the mend. My sleep at night is fitful and I wake up feeling as if I may as well have just stayed up and never gone to bed.

Today I decided to go ahead and start a week-long sale in my Etsy store giving any buyer who purchases between today; Saturday, July 26th, and Friday, August 1st a 10% discount. I don't normally believe in sales, but in this circumstance if it will bring in some badly needed income I'm willing to do it. Carmella's life is worth it. In case you don't already have it the URL is

http://giftbearer.etsy.com/

As of yet we have still not heard from Dr. Sears. He is thought to be filling in for a vet in California but we aren't sure where. Daveyo has tried to send an urgent message to him but he seems to be out of computer contact wherever he is.

I am going to try to locate him by calling his old practice in Lancaster. Maybe somebody there still keeps in touch with him.

With all the legwork I've been doing there must be someone who will come through for us soon and step up to the plate. This last part is relatively simple if the right players cooperate to set things up. As I've always said; "With love and action all things are possible." Good luck comes when everyone pulls together toward a common goal to be part of the solution.