Gift Day

Isn't it interesting how things come in sometimes just at the right time! I received this cute little purple star necklace I won in a blog giveaway by Ashley Spatula at http://ashleyspatula.etsy.com/ These each retail for $14.00 and come in various colors.

I also received in the same package some sort of CD-R that looks like it has 3 songs from http://www.sarahmacband.com/ which I haven't listened to yet but will soon.

Thanks, Ashley for the great gifts!

Also, I have now received the PMC I ordered and the molding compound. Now all I'm waiting for are the custom rubber stamps and I'll be all set to start my new line of jewelry!

I woke up surprisingly calm and renewed this morning. It may have been because I took some pain medication last night and the quality of my sleep was better. My head was killing me and my body was inflamed when I finally hit the hay, but since I awoke bright-eyed and bushy-tailed I decided to try to take some pictures of Carmella in the morning light. We were out in the backyard for about 3 hours.

Carmella was in a rambuncious mood and insisted on chewing my hands, arms, and shoes, or dive-bombing me taking a running start. She was not interested in chewing on pine cones after awhile and she quickly got bored chasing sticks, so I wrestled around with her and that seemed to finally tire her out enough so that she sat calmly sprawled across my lap and let me pet her for a good 20 minutes without the incessant gnawing on me. I got several really good pictures of her and tried to get some interesting angles other than just the traditional dog poses. Quite a number of them taken over the several-hour period had to be deleted because they were too blurred due to her moving around. I did get a few good action shots though in which the blur did not really detract from the photo.

I noticed that she was still falling every so often and it was sometimes her back leg that gave out, not always her front right. Even so, it was enjoyable for her to be active outdoors and it was a special time for both of us to just sit quietly. I'm rarely up that early these days and I'd already had an omelet and my iced coffee before going out there with Carmella.

There were some tufts of pine needles lying around amongst the leaves, sticks, and pinecones and the way the light was hitting the tops of things I thought shooting some holiday cards this time of morning might be a good idea.

There was no word today from Dr. Norwood's office, so I took the opportunity to take care of some other things that needed to be done with the jewelry street team I run. I found some resources on advertising that might be of use to the team, checked the forum, and followed up on some e-mails and convos.

I am beginning to gather some National news media contacts and will be collecting more over the weekend.

Other than that I want to make a point of spending some quality time with Carmella. When I came into the kitchen tonight she did something really cute I've never seen her do before. I wish I had been able to get a picture of it but she only stayed that way for about 2-3 seconds. She stood up on her haunches in that "beg" position that some dogs do and balanced. If I can teach her to do that on command it will be so cool! I sure hope her back legs hold on and that the jerking or incoordination won't prevent her from doing things like that. She is so intelligent! I bet I could teach her to do lots of neat tricks! I'm working on getting her to stay currently. She gets so hyped up that she doesn't always listen and will get up and walk away or come towards me before she's supposed to, but she is getting the concept.

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Veterinary Ethical Standards Support; Not Oppose, Treatment

I decided to look up the ethical standards for vets and see what they said, since it seemed that was what some of these people were so afraid of, and I was pleasantly surprised that they are overall in our favor!

http://www.avma.org/issues/policy/ethics.asp

I think these excerpts support our advocacy for this treatment!

PROFESSIONAL BEHAVIOR:

Veterinarians should first consider the needs of the patient: to relieve disease, suffering, or disability while minimizing pain or fear.

It is clearly in Carmella's best interest to do this procedure (injecting Newcastle Disease Virus Vaccine into the spinal canal to kill the Distemper virus so it will not continue to damage her brain, spinal cord, and myelin). The sentence referring to minimizing pain or fear is meant to allay the dog's fear (not making the vet's fear first priority by not doing what's necessary). This treatment would certainly "relieve disease, suffering, and disability."

THERAPIES:

Attending veterinarians are responsible for choosing the treatment regimens for their patients. It is the attending veterinarians responsibility to inform the client of the expected results and costs, and the related risks of each treatment regimen.

*It is unethical for veterinarians to prescribe or dispense prescription products in the absence of a VCPR. (VCPR is an acronym for veterinarian-client-patient relationship)

*It is unethical for veterinarians to promote, sell, prescribe, dispense, or use secret remedies or any other product for which they do not know the ingredient formula.

*It is unethical for veterinarians to use or permit the use of their names, signatures, or professional status in connection with the resale of ethical products in a manner which violates those directions or conditions specified by the manufacturer to ensure the safe and efficacious use of the product.

Since NDV is neither secret nor the ingedients unknown, and full disclosure has been provided as to what it and the dog-based serum is made of, these vets have absolutely nothing to worry about in terms of ethical violations.

The NDV packaging insert also does not say it is unsafe to use this in a smaller dose in dogs than is generally used for chickens (which is actually safer), so that clause is satisfied.

The dog-based serum formula devised by Dr. Sears himself has instructions to it as to exactly how it should be used, yet there are some vets who deviate from it anyway, (so they couldn't be too afraid of that clause).

Furthermore, there is no treatment proven to kill the Distemper virus that a vet has to offer as a qualitatively equivalent alternative.

Here is the oath veterinarians take:

Being admitted to the profession of veterinary medicine, I solemnly swear to use my scientific knowledge and skills for the benefit of society through the protection of animal health, the relief of animal suffering, the conservation of animal resources, the promotion of public health, and the advancement of medical knowledge. I will practice my profession conscientiously, with dignity, and in keeping with the principles of veterinary medical ethics. I accept as a lifelong obligation the continual improvement of my professional knowledge and competence.

This implies pretty strongly that a vet is expected to do whatever he can to protect animal health, and not to merely rest on tradition, but to learn new things, be open to new discoveries, and to advance.

I noticed that noplace in the ethical standards did it ever say that using "experimental" or new treatments was in any way unethical. I'm sure the board realized that to impose a rule like that would cut off people's noses despite their faces when not all disease can be cured with conventional methods and new discoveries are made all the time and take time to become accepted. I'm sure they had a legal expert go over it with a fine-toothed comb and that there was a good reason in their not making a rule against it.

As Dr. Sears says; "There's a good reason why it's called private "practice". Granted he said that a little bit tongue in cheek, but nevertheless it just goes to show that not everything in science or medicine fits into a perfectly neat little box and you've got to be willing to go out on a limb sometimes even if it is scary and somewhat uncharted territory. Look at firefighters. They do that all the time and consider it all in a day's work. There are times when you just have to throw the book out the window and get in there and make an executive decision to put that client first. This is one of those instances.

I printed out another Atlanta vet listing today; eight full pages of names! There's a clinic on there I used to take my animals to for many years, although they've changed vets many times. I don't know if the management is still the same but they used to be very willing to work with various situations and were even good about not charging alot. I'll call and see if they might be a possibility.

It also occurred to me that it would be a good idea for Carmella to have an MRI to see exactly how bad and where the damage is in her brain. If nothing else, Dr. Johnson, the local neuro vet at Georgia Veterinary Specialists should be able to do that. Maybe that will tell us how much time we have to get her help before the damage is too severe and how fast the virus is moving.

Today I sent off something to the Regional office of the Humane Society to see whether they'd post about Carmella on their website and/or any newsletters that go out to readers.

Then I called Dr. Norwood's office and asked whether we needed a new referral for that or not. He'd already left for the day, but should be back tomorrow. Between the most recent appointment and now, in the interrim Felicia has warmed up to Carmella and I. I think we've grown on her, and the whole staff having seen us through the ups and downs sees where I'm coming from more so than ever. I may be wrong, but what I heard on the other end was not a kiss-off at all. Dr. Norwood was back from a week in Aruba and things seemed as though they were the same as they'd always been, only maybe now we were considered long-time clients of theirs. There is an invisible line one crosses over between being "just another client", to the kind that seems patinaed with age in the most fond of senses, and it felt as though we'd crossed over into that realm, and not only on their end. Why otherwise would it matter to me?

This is what I never had the chance to say to my best friend as we were doing our usual brainstorming before things turned suddenly and unexpectedly dark and perilous like a hurricane coming out of nowhere. It was like a scene right out of a Lifetime television movie (if you've seen many of those true stories then you know the pattern). She referred to me as her "very good friend" so maybe the "best friend" thing isn't as mutual as I thought. Well I am trying like hell to be philosophical about this right now but still I'm crying my eyes out at midnight, and I'm just so tired. I don't mean sleepy, just tired of feeling like I have to go it alone, and then what hit me tonight was just too much. Talk about "in your face!" Sheesh!

When I brainstorm I just try to think of every angle (and with something as serious as what's happening to Carmella you have to). Short of doing something illegal I consider no ideas off-limits. It's a creative process I've learned and I use it in my art as well. One cannot be creative if you're always censoring the free flow of though as it comes in and through you. Some ideas are viable and should be used and some, maybe not, but if you cannot allow yourself to explore all the possibilities then you get bogged down and you may miss alot of good strategies, designs, or what have you. I thought I could do that with my friend without being judged. It's not like I have a team of people working on this. I don't know for sure what it's going to require to bring this into being, but at least I'm thinking and throwing out ideas. They can't all be in final draft form right out of my head. I guess what hurt most was that my thought/sentence that had somehow set off this explosion of protestation came about after ideas she had posed. We were both going along that train of thought as a team and suddenly she diverged, like a wishbone, one half cracking suddenly and severely away from the other. That's the best way I can describe it. It wasn't like she said, "Well let's not do that because ---this would be a better strategy." Somehow instead it got all personal and negatively charged emotionally. I didn't see it coming and in my overtired state it was just one more big log on the pile of obstacles I did not need.

When I think about it objectively it sounded really like it may have had nothing at all to do with this situation about me and Carmella but something she was going through, that instead of just telling me about it so that I could empathize, got all melded into what we were talking about in this.

Making me the target of the angst over any number of stresses she had going on in her own life really didn't help either one of us or Carmella. The particular trigger had something to do with the concept of obligation/trickery, and now with some distance from having been blind-sided I think I know where that's coming from and it's not about me. I know that the situation she's dealing with was thrust upon her just as this one was thrust upon me so that should make us allies, but who knows maybe sometimes feelings just get misapplied in the wrong places mismatched to the wrong people. I do realize that she's got alot on her plate too and Carmella's situation being so catastrophic requires me to spend just about every waking moment on this as a matter of sheer survival. There's just no way around it.

Any of you who have watched the Lifetime television movies knows that these kinds of "orphaned" situations require that the one person centrally responsible for fixing it have almost tunnel vision until a solution is found. That is the nature of the beast and it's what it takes to get it done.

My friend paints me as this extraordinarily strong person, but then the same could be said about her with her situation because she hasn't dropped it no matter how hard things have gotten. I'm not sure that I'm any stronger than she is. It may be more the fact that when you are chosen for one of these marathon catastrophic events you can't get out of it so you adapt and do what you have to do to get through it. The faces and the names may be different, but the principles are the same.

I do have an obligation to Carmella, and I don't resent it, I don't have time. All emotional resources are needed to deal with whatever comes, but just as I told Felicia at Dr. Norwood's office on the phone today, carrying this on my shoulders is hard. It's really hard. She told me that I was brave to be sending out all these press releases to news agencies to get Carmella the help she needs, but I just feel like I'm doing what I have to do to get the job done, putting one foot in front of the other. That's what you do when you care. It's not even a conscious decision. It's this un-namable thing propelling me into action. I know I've heard others who've said the same thing. I'm not that unique.

Maybe nature or God gives you the inner strength to do what needs to be done when those resources are required.

This can take a toll on other relationships in the meantime, but those of you who have seen those real-life movies know that there are two types of archetypes in those movies; those who don't go the distance, and those who are true friends or family, and their love is the real deal. They may not fully "get it" for awhile and be off on their own stint for a moment, convinced that you're way off-base, but those come back with an even stronger understanding of your passion for the issue, and a renewed faith in you and in the relationship.

Sometimes people don't wait to hear the other stuff that's in your head or they have to let it germinate for awhile before they understand what you're really trying to say. It's kind of like those news stories where the papparazzi takes a celebrity's statements out of context, little snippets here and there, and formulates an opinion based on those, like text cut from random magazines, then pieced together. It has the illusion of the whole picture but isn't really.

I went in and hugged Carmella and she greeted me with her loving eyes and in her usual coy way, curled up in my lap. I met her approval.

http://Giftbearer.etsy.com

Carmella Still Waits for Medical Procedure

Today was down, then up, and then down again. I decided to try Dr. Brantly in one last attempt to appeal to his sense of social responsability, but it turned out he had little, relaying through his receptionist that he would never feel comfortable injecting Newcastle vaccine into the spinal canal (apparently even if not doing so was going to end up killing her). He'd come closest of any of the ones I'd asked, but it seemed as though his initial mindset only got increasingly closed as he ruminated about all the "what ifs". The trouble is he had no alternatives to offer, so who was he to be dead set against this method if it was her only hope. I suspect, knowing this, he offered up a lead at the University of Florida Veterinary clinic, saying maybe they'd attempt it. I made the long-distance call and gave a run-down of Carmella's situation to a woman in the small animal clinic who in turn took down mine and Dr. Sears information and said she'd have a vet call me back by around 5:00 PM. In fact it didn't take near that long. There was a bubbly woman on the other end who sounded hopeful, so I assumed it was good news. Wrong again. She reported to me that all the vets in the neuro department "don't do that", and that "they know nothing about it" stating as others had that it was "still experimental". Well, duh! Of course they'd never heard about it and of course it's "experimental" because nobody has given it a chance to be published. That's why I gave them Dr. Sears' contact information, so that they could find out about it, but did they even call or e-mail him before dismissing this treatment out of hand? No. Well, sorry, but that just doesn't pass with me. Nobody can spreak intelligently against doing something if they won't take the time to investigate it first. That just means that they want to remain ignorant. They sure didn't get their degree in veterinary medicine by having the knowledge pop into their heads by osmosis! They had to put some effort into learning the material. They'd have been kicked out for sure if they came into their professor on the day of an exam and whined, "I don't know anything about this so I'm not doing the exam." They'd have been told pretty fast to get their ass into the library and start reading, and start doing the homework and going to class, or get out; that they don't give honorary degrees in vet school. That kind of obstinate clinging to ignorance is something I cannot tolerate. When I was in college we were expected to back up our argument if we were going to disagree with something, and that's how it should be. In order to really do that one must have some leg to stand on based in logic.

Absence of data or lack of precedence does not immediately render any hypothesis invalid, and it justifies the furthering of study, not the abandonment of it.

I asked the woman on the other end of the line just how we could make this not experimental, and she was not particularly forthcoming, but finally said that they have a seperate research department and that I could speak to them. OK, now we may be getting somewhere, I thought. She did not know the number but had the operator transfer my call. Instead it was picked up by the live answering service who had just come on shift and they did not know the number to connect me to, so I'll have to see if I can find contact information on the website or call tomorrow.

We are pretty much back to square one.

I wrote Dr. Sears and let him know that this turned out another dead end, said we needed him to do conferences, and for some vet, any vet, to publish something.

If Dr. Norwood could at least publish Carmella's experience with NDV in the body that would at least provide one citation that could help legitimize the second half as I am approaching vets. You'd think the way vets are reacting that I was asking them to commit criminal acts, not an act of heroism.

In fact, it is indeed criminal to fail to act in a life-threatening circumstance. A disease is in effect a "natural disaster", but when there is something that can be done to intervene but those who are able do not, that is the true definition of negligence. Does this fact escape those who can but do nothing? Does this not bother their conscience at all?

Maybe they think Carmella is just one dog and they think it's OK to let her languish, turning their attention to those they can easily save by risking nothing, that in the grand scheme of things her life is just not that important to go out on a limb for, but the fact remains that they are aware of the gravity of the situation and they know that this will not go away and that more white matter in her brain is being sacrificed each day they look the other way, and that this dog and this owner have feelings. Would it be OK with them if doctors sat there and let this happen to their wife or child? I don't think so. Maybe they believe that being that attached to a dog is silly and overly sentimental, but if we start picking and choosing whose life is worthy and whose isn't then who is to prevent that kind of calousness from coming home to roost when the grim reaper decides to knock on our door?

These guys keep thinking worst case scenario, but what if this not only had no adverse effects, but was a glowing success, just as it was in the body? What if Carmella went on to live happily ever after once the procedure was completed? Not all "what ifs" have to be negative.

We as a society and as a species must base our lives upon possibility, not be ruled by trepidation. Fear is only useful in the short-term, but it can keep us stuck if it becomes a way by which we live our lives from cradle to grave.

I believe that The Creator did not give us a brain and the technologiy to use it in order for us to choose to ignore that which has been provided. Medical discoveries are a beautiful thing and we should embrace them, not stay trapped in a free-floating fear of progress based on what we don't know. Knowledge is power and with power comes inevitably, responsability. Maybe that is the real crux of the matter; responsability. If we remain ignorant we can always fall back on that ignorance to avoid responsability, but that is to live like Peter Pan refusing to grow up and meet the world head-on, hiding in illusions and creating walls to hide behind.

To believe that the outcome of going outside our comfort zone is always going to be bad is to have a very negative world view. Sometimes trying new things can really add something valuable to our lives. You know what they say, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." If the answer does not live within the lines then if we want it we must be willing to go outside them to get it.

After a long dry spell I made a sale! (I am getting it ready at the crack of dawn), my Click Beetle bracelet with a really cool Chevron bead in it.

Carmella was restless again today. I let her outside several times in the back yard to run around. When her legs work she is very graceful, like a jackrabbit darting through the thicket, and at times I can almost forget that she is still living with a monster inside her Central Nervous System, one which will ultimately bring her to her knees if it is not stopped in time. For just a short time I am lost in the moment as she glides like a raptor across the landscape, and then she falls, and I realize where I am.

http://Giftbearer.etsy.com

Now A Special Message From Our Sponsor-Cute Cat Alert!!!

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Her talent is clear, so rush on over and get one of these beauties before they're gone. She's even got stuffed pumpkin and stuffed mushroom.

Uh-oh, It says he sold on the 15th. Nooo, say it isn't sooo...

Now to rejoin out current programming...

All Carmella...

All the time.

For A Fleeting Moment I Thought I Saw Land...

but it seems it was a mirage. I called PAWS Atlanta today and followed up on the material I'd sent them and asked if the vets they had said might do something like this on Carmella several weeks ago had given them any indication of where they stood. The woman answering the phone thought she'd just given me the name and number of one and did not remember the other. She seemed less enthusiastic today, and said she'd just forwarded it on to their vet but had gotten no response. That seems to be many of the vets' modus operandi lately; no response.

The receptionist gave me the name and number of a vet who used to work for them, another one like Dr. Brantly who did holistic treatment, and she said that maybe he'd be open-minded enough to do it, although she had no idea if he had done spinal taps before.

I took that information and called. An answering machine picked up my message and so I asked if he'd call me back as soon as possible, trying to get as much detail in as possible. His office manager, Carmen, returned my call and then she had him call me. He seemed nice, and actually sounded alot like Dr. Norwood, and he too practiced in the Stone Mountain area. Things sounded good as we were talking, but then he said he used to do spinal taps but hadn't done one in years.

He talked about his muscle-testing and dietary techniques and explained that his were not published in journals either, took Dr. Sears' information, and did sound genuinely interested in the fact that this might be a complete cure (even his techniques could not claim that complete a solution to Distemper), but he said, just as I thought, that probably the reason Dr. Sears could not get published is that alot of drug companies have a financial interest in never letting a true cure see the light of day.

Interestingly, he also said that probably the reason that the most qualified and highly-credentialed vets to do this procedure won't do it is because they are also the most regulated. He's probably right, but that's a real catch 22. If the vets who have the best chance of pulling this off are too afraid of liability then how does the field get past that hurdle in order to introduce any new discovery?

If in order to fly under the radar and become published a new discovery must:

1) Be non-threatening enough to a major percentage of the dominant market share in that category

yet

2) Be interesting and useful enough not to be too redundant or boring to be attractive to the populace

That leaves a very narrow margin. Sure, it could be marketed as a treatment and not a cure (to have it pass the first unofficial requirement), but then it risks being lumped in with lots of other not so legitimate claims that don't work as well, and it would then fall into the wastebasket category of "supportive care".

Not only would that not be accurate, but it could cause it not to pass that second category, and the argument could be made that there are already things out there to help a dog "live comfortably" with the disease for a period of time, plus that those established methods are less invasive.

Taking that tactic could get it squashed before it gets half-way in the door. No, I think the best way to get this on the map is to approach it through Merial, the drug company that manufactures Newcastle Disease Virus Vaccine (the LaSota strain), and to justify it by saying, " Let's be real. Distemper vaccines to prevent the disease only cover so many dogs and there is no realistic way to prevent all cases of Distemper any more than we can completely eradicate all teen pregnancy. We can do all the education and public service messages we want, but all owners will not vaccinate their dogs 100% of the time, and not all vaccinations even work on all dogs. If you really want to stamp out this disease completely it will require a two-pronged approach; direct Distemper vaccination as a preventative measure, and curative vaccination with NDV to treat infected animals. If the number of infected dogs isn't enough to justify it (although I am pretty sure those statistics are highly under-representative) then there are raccoons bringing it into residential areas, foxes, and ferrets, all of which could be candidates for this drug. NDV could be marketed in the wildlife industry as well as used on domestic animals and used by conservation organizations that are currently funded to save species, and by scientists interested in studying natural habitats. Each dose may be very inexpensive, but when you look at using it on that scale, the potential demand/market for such an effective cure begins to look alot more lucrative."

Venus, who's dog was featured on my blog just a few weeks ago wrote me today and she mentioned a Phillipino vet, Dr. Loubinar, who is quite well-respected, and who has a special interest in studying Distemper. She said he has treated 30 dogs there in his country with NDV; at least some of them with the NDV injection into the spinal canal! I posed to her the suggestion that he be the one to lead the way in the veterinary field towards getting a clinical trial funded, that he approach Merial with a proposal, and then publish the findings. I asked her if she had his e-mail address and said that I would do whatever I could to help him connect with Merial (which is based right here in Georgia). If this guy has an interest in Distemper then he would be the perfect one to put in such a proposal. If that's what it will take to get Carmella treated and to stop more dogs from dying, then so be it. There is no rule that says there can't be multiple study sites around the world either. It is not uncommon to do a clinical trial with relatively few subjects into several locations. I've seen studies with 3 sites, each in a different country, and only 5 subjects in each, and those were published! That means that if he were to write the proposal he could have a number of collaborators including some here in the US. His name would come first on the paper but there are often as many as 20 principle investigators on one paper, and they can collaborate on the first and final drafts by e-mail and/or conference call!

With my media blitz underway there may be vets that news reaches who like this idea and would welcome the opportunity to participate if someone else were to submit the proposal.

Carmella is still falling and her restlessness is evident, but she's trying to hang in there. She was so cute today, despite her difficulties. I have been tempted to let her sleep in my bed at night but I'm afraid I'd wake up with no sheets and a room full of stuffing strewn all over the floor; remnants of my comforter.

I'm really looking forward to hearing back from these TV stations and the Journal and Constitution and seeing what shakes out of the bushes.

In the meantime if you'd like to help Carmella, please use the donation button at the upper right of my blog, purchase some great art jewelry from my Etsy shop, or buy an ad underneath the list of "Top Spots".
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Take No Prisoners

Well 3 more vets down and still counting. One receptionist told me the vets in her practice "don't treat dogs with Distemper". The other two; one used to do spinal taps years ago when she worked at Georgia Veterinary Specialists, but is too rusty now, and the other never had given a spinal tap. The ones who don't have the skills I can deal with, it's the ones who can and won't that really have no heart and a black soul and I wonder why they are in the field if they're not willing to do everything in their power to save lives. I know first-hand what it feels like to be dying and have no medical intervention, denied the one treatment that will determine your very survival and quality of life. It is much worse than death itself. It is truly Hell on earth. Luckily I eventually got the treatment I needed to save my own life, but having had that experience there is no way that I could just stand there and allow it to happen to another living thing and be able to live with it. Some of these vets may think it's best to just "accept" that she is going to get worse and eventually die, merely keep her comfortable, and wait for the inevitable, but that would only be appropriate if this option did not exist. One cannot discover a new medical treatment and then just pretend it doesn't exist. You can't put Pandora back in the box. Perhaps on some primal psychological level it is so ingrained in the minds of vets that Distemper is the scourge of veterinary medicine that they have catalogued it in their minds as if it were the plague, and like archaeic human doctors did once apon a time, truly believe deep down that the sufferers should be isolated and shunned, allowed to die for the good of the other healthy ones in the community. Maybe they tell themselves that this is best for the dogs who are currently infected, candy-coating this idyllic euthanasia lie that is so deeply imbedded in our culture, deciding that they have the right to speak for these dogs who rely so much on humans to protect them. When humans think of putting an animal "out of its misery" they think of it as a "compassionate" final act, but this has become too easy an excuse not to hang in there and fight for these very fragile lives.
To romanticise death is a mistake. When my mother was dying of cancer in the summer of 1987 she had envisioned dying at home with all her loved-ones around her as a graceful and painless passing and so did everyone else in my extended family. My cousin, Helen, is a nurse, and her father, a doctor. That last few weeks waiting for my mother to die were anything but graceful or painless. I remember when my father called me to come stay in the house. We all thought the end was near, maybe two or three days, but in fact she lingered for 2-3 weeks. By that time the cancer had metastacised throughout her body and it was attacking her brain. I wittnessed during those last weeks her having grand mal seizures, writhing in pain, despite the heavy pain medication dripping into her arm at all times, her difficulty breathing, and drowning in her own mucus due to the shutting down of her autonomic nervous system and her swallowing. She eventually slipped into a coma and never regained consciousness (as we know it), but I can't help but wonder whether she might still have been suffering but unable to move or call out for help, locked inside a body which was a veritable time-bomb, trapped with a horrible monster that lived inside her.

My cousin Helen said to me one day while we were sitting by her bedside, "I always thought the experience of death done this way, at home was a beautiful, natural and dignified part of life, but it's not that way at all, it's horrible!" Yes, that it is. Death is horrible. Don't be sucked into all the propaganda telling you it's this merciful release from pain and suffering, because it's not. Maybe there are those rare occasions when someone dies instantly from a head-on collision in a car or airplane, or has a quick and powerful heart attack, but when one dies of a disease no matter on pain meds or not there is nothing quick and merciful about it.

Before you think about putting yout pet "to sleep" (another euphamism) read all the literature about the use of lethal injection in humans who are on Death Row. Just because you may not see any struggling from the outside looking in, don't assume for a minute that the recipient of such injection is not suffering and is merely going to sleep and then dying painlessly. Too much recently has been discovered to the contrary. Part of what's in those injections is a paralytic, which means that it renders the person or animal unable to move or respond. It has often been discovered that the part that renders the recipient unconscious does not always work or does not work before the other ingredient takes hold of the body. Imagine being fully conscious of your heart stopping and other vital organs shutting down, but unable to tell anyone or even move your pinky to let them know you are feeling each excruciating moment. There have been Death Row inmates whose executions have been stayed because of a botched job like this and they lived to report their experience. What they reported was blinding pain, the worst kind you could imagine! Several states have since re-visited legislation regarding such procedures and even challenged the current laws allowing it, posing the question as to whether it may constitute cruel and unusual punishment.
This is why vets need to stop doing this to animals. It is NOT humane! Not only is it not humane, the option to "legally" kill an animal this way opens the door for every lazy and selfish person in the world who doesn't want to spend the time or money to fix the problem an animal has. In animals this practice is completely unregulated and can be done for just about any reason. Jack Kavorkian did some heavy time for promoting this kind of thing in humans. Imposing this upon animals who cannot speak for themselves or make an informed decision of their own is an ethical problem. It is one thing if a human chooses that for him/herself, but strict regulations need to be put into place to see to it that the option is not abused and that families don't abuse their Power of Attorney to "put down" relatives who have become an emotional and financial burden to them. The methods used also need to be re-evaluated and proven not to cause suffering.

My guess is that most if not all animals if they understood this issue would choose to live rather than to die.

Animals have none of the emotional issues we humans have attached to long-term illness and disability and they live in the moment. Their lives are relatively simple compared to ours, and they only want to be loved, to eat, and to drink water, and maybe walk around the yard a little. They have no responsabilities to make money, thoughts about whether they are pulling their weight, nor do they have to take care of others.

I took lots and lots of pictures of Carmella yesterday, and made several really nice black and white photos which I'm going to have made into custom rubber stamps. I was hoping the company I was planning on purchasing from would e-mail me by the end of today but they haven't. It looks like I can't put in an order until tomorrow so that I can get started soon on my new line. The woman I got an e-mail from last week was supposed to get back to me to let me know whether the ones I sent her would take well, but still no word.

At some point I'll probably look into getting a Photopolymer plate-making kit, but I wanted to try a few this way first because it's alot less expensive.

Carmella was restless again today, pulling on my clothing and wanting to go outside and then immediately wanting to come in again. Her jerking is getting pretty severe now and she has fallen a few times already today.

I spent a long time sending out press releases to every TV news station in town. One or two came back undeliverable, one news reporter had an automated e-mail saying he was out of town until the 17th, and several sent automated e-mail responses already saying they received my correspondence and that I'd receive a response within 72 hours.

Next I'll go to National news agencies and shows like 20/20 or Dateline. I'm wondering how I'd go about submitting my press release to the AP wire. Apparently that goes out to every news agency in the country.

http://Giftbearer.etsy.com

Some Lateral Moves

It's the weekend again. That means not much will be moving that requires contacting businesses, but I did get two names of vets, one here (and one located in Florida, given to me by the woman whose dog was recently put to sleep).

I wrote the one in Florida but it seems to be an outdated e-mail address because even though I wrote directly through his website bellsouth sent it back stating this was not one of their customers. Well, another one down. It was too late yesterday to get in touch with the local vet whose name had been given me by the founder of a disability transportation rights group, and I was not able to find any website or e-mail for her. There were reviews, most of them glowingly favorable, but it appeared the last two which were left in the past one or two weeks were negative, noting that the vet did not seem herself and was letting her standards slip this month. It could be just something temporary going on in her life interfering with her work, but you can never know for sure.

All these vets I've been getting the contact info for seem iffy in one way or another. I'm not sure whether most vets are unstable/unreliable as a group or whether it's just been unlucky that the ones people have happened to have recommended just turned out to be flakey. Maybe they all start out pretty good and then burn out. I sure hope there are some solid ones out there. Carmella really needs one to come through.

I wrote Dr. Sears to let him know that so far we've been unsuccessful at getting a vet to do the procedure, and he wrote back saying he was sorry I was running into these barriers, but this is not uncommon, as most vets are afraid of it because it's not been published. I wrote him back and said that I think it may require for him to break the ice by starting to do workshops at conferences before the ball will get rolling. Hopefully he'll listen to that advice, as I truly believe that will make a difference. Vets need to hear it right from the horse's mouth and published or not, a conference is nevertheless a respectable place for vets to get their continuing education once settled into private practice. They may not seek him out to learn about this treatment but if they're already signed up for a big conference and they see this on the program they might be curious to see what he has to say. Curiosity is a good step toward integrating something new into what they consider to be useful methods.

The repairman was here most of the day yesterday. I had still had very little sleep and felt as though my brain was still asleep when I got up knowing he would be arriving soon. He got to work on some damage caused by squirrels who had decided to move their nest indoors into a corner. They had chewed their way clean through and I'd often heard them running around my attic just above my bedroom (sometimes at the wee hours of the morning, which did not help my sleep patterns any).

Carmella seemed to like him and as he got up on the stepladder to replace some wooden planks, she whined for him to come back and play with her. I had told him about her condition earlier and he jokingly told her how clumsy and uncoordinated she was, not seeming to get the connection. I think I had pointed that out once as being part of the neurological effects of the disease, but it didn't seem to register for long. Despite his joking manner the comments began to grate on me a little. When she bumped into his leg while running he asked her if she needed glasses. His somewhat insulting humor started to get old pretty fast. After all, I really love this dog, and her incoordination is not due to stupidity or some sort of inadequacy on her part. Considering what she's dealing with she gets around pretty damn well. I believe he likes her but, OK, enough ribbing already. It's kind of like telling a woman with breast cancer that she can use her bald chemo-ravaged head for a bowling ball or kidding a man with testicular cancer that now his wife will trade him in for a man "with balls". Carmella, unaware of the content behind the words wagged her tail and jumped up to lick his face. This newcomer seemed to captivate her and she accepted him as non-threatening only because I had let him in. His entrance unimpeded was a priviledge. Had he been a stranger she would have met him at the door with barking, growls, and beared teeth. Carmella generally doesn't like men coming into her territory. The man who lives next door came out into his driveway next to the fence today and was talking kind of loud and she really went off.

I ordered some molding compound today recommened by a fellow jewelry artist in preparation for the new line I'm planning and am planning out what images will work best to create molds of.

Also, I've been looking into ways to put video on my blog, and gathering ideas for which news agencies to contact with my press release.

Today was a day for putting key steps into position. Sometimes one must move sideways in order to move forward.

Carmella seemed to have slowed down on her voracious need to chew everything that passed her nose, so I let her lie on the rug of the computer room while I cooked homemade chili and spaghetti sauce for my meals over the next week so all I'd have to do then is heat them up. She seemed to lie there calmly for about a half hour but while I was paying close attention to these dishes to make sure they didn't burn I looked back at her to find that she was in the process of chewing the speaker wires to my computer and that to my horror the wires were hanging from both speakers, severed, with bits of plastic covering on the floor by her front paws. I ran in there and grabbed her but she'd bitten clean through them and the wires were not the type you could buy replacements for. They were firmly attached at the end where they connected to the back of each speaker. If my sound drivers were installed I would have been twice as furious, but the last computer technician had not reinstalled them so I've been going without sound for a long time. I may still have some older speakers that I didn't throw away and if so then maybe I won't have to buy new ones. At some point I would like to get the sound working again so that I can listen to what people are saying when I watch tutorials on techniques.

A notice came encouraging me to apply for the annual ACRE show held in Las Vegas sponsored by WholesaleCrafts.com came by e-mail. Every year I have wanted to do this show, and each year I've had to pass it up because I just don't have $1,995 or even $498.75/Month for their payment plan. I heard that lots of artists racked up at that show last year and the year before. This is one of my pet peeves (the shows with the really good customer-bases having entry fees priced so high it's inaccessible to people who don't already have lots of disposable income). I would love to see either scholarships provided or a cap put on what show organizers can charge for entry fee. Also, for years shows never charged a jurying fee, then it was a nominal one, and now it's often $50-$75 in addition to the entry fee.

I'm sorry but I just don't think judges need to be paid that much just to sit in a room and look at slides or digital photos and say, "yes, no, yes, no" or to give a score. The system has become one of exploitation of the artist and not one of looking for great talent and accepting applicants based on merit. This type of system helps the rich get richer and leaves the poor no vehicle through which to attain more capitol. If your perfect market is there but you can't even get in the door because of lack of money then that is a problem. It becomes a vicious cycle because if all you have access to are the shows with a few of your target customers and mostly browsers and those luke warm to what you have for sale, then there is a glass ceiling on your earnings. Over the past year I have not had the money at the time any really good show's entries are due, and in my part of the country there are only really a small handful of shows with good, buying customers who come back to purchase at the same ones each year.

For a time there were some options available in which the fees were $65.00 or less that still had pretty good customers. There were even some who looked for me each year intending to buy because they liked what they'd bought from me the previous year(s), but then those shows stopped being held for one reason or another and I lost those resources. Trying to get the customers from there to then buy from me online was unsuccessful and even offering a free pair of earrings with their first online purchase did not motivate them. I can only surmise that it has to do with where I live, because most people I've spoken with for whom that has worked did not live in Georgia.

Many of the galleries and neat little stores here selling hand-made art objects that once existed have since gone out of business, and the ones that remain do not seem to want to carry any more artists than their old standbys. Georgia's economy must be even worse than the National average. I know that alot of this is due to the depletion of the Federal budget, our country's money having been diverted into the war in Iraq, but Georgia seems to have been hit especially hard. I was just at the mall yesterday and even the big commercial department stores like Macy's and JC Penny looked like an abandoned ghost town. Items were in disarray, shelves were allowed to sit with big gaps in conspicuously absent inventory, and even many of the lights were left off in the afternoon. Whole lines that had been there for months had been discontinued and displays removed. Things looked disheveled and nobody was putting clothing back in its proper place. It looked as though these department stores had a bare bones crew. Even some of the vendors in the food court were closed.

The woman who lives a mile away from me tells me that Sonny Perdue, Georgia's Governor, cut a major section where she works responsible for putting disabled people back to work. There had been nobody hiring their clientele for a long time and so those employees pretty much had given up trying.

These kinds of economic changes are scary. If Government agencies are being cut to the bone, then it stands to reason that this is a hard place for an artist who makes his/her money from non-essential items to live. The ironic thing is that while selling online used to be considered a real crap-shoot, it has probably become easier for a Georgia artist to sell their wares online than it would be in a local brick and mortar store.

Taking all these variables into account my strategy is going to focus on contacts outside of Georgia through which to sell my work. I don't want to do consignment in places I can't physically travel to but I welcome outright purchases made from my Etsy store by brick and mortar stores. If you own one that you're looking to stock, please check out what I have available and consider making a purchase or placing a custom order. If you would like to test market a few pieces before placing a big order that would be relatively low-risk. Be sure to keep an eye on my shop and bookmark it to watch for my upcoming line. I believe this is going to appeal to many!

If you would like to help Carmella there are three easy ways to do that;

* Start your holiday shopping now at http://Giftbearer.etsy.com/

* Use the donation button on the upper right of my blog, or

* Buy a $5.00 ad on my blog in my "Top Spots" through Scratchback

Thank you, all of you who have already donated and/or bought ad space. Keep it up, and keep reading and commenting. Carmella and I both really appreciate your love and support.

Carry A Big Stick

Things are not looking good for success with the veterinary clinic in Perry, Georgia. What sounded like a possible yes, may have in fact been just a polite brush off, but what came after was anything but polite. Over the past two days I've made 4 long distance phone calls, just to be told that I'd be called back and then closing time comes and no phone call. Today I called twice and it was the same story; "They're both with patients", but today one of the receptionists assured me I'd get a call before the end of the day. At around 6:00 pm nobody had called me and when I tried calling again I got the live answerng service, and a man on the phone refused to even take my name and number. He told me I could call THEM back tomorrow. I told him that no THEY could call ME back. I'd spent enough time and money on this runaraound and meanwhile Carmella was still getting worse. Feeling that none of these vets even gave a rat's, I told the answering service man that I'd take my business elsewhere (not that I even know where to take it next). I don't enjoy being toyed with and I don't have money for another two weeks of long distance phone calls leading to nothing. Obviously "nice" wasn't working. I had to conclude that neither of these two had the guts to tell me to my face that they'd decided to be another barrier to Carmella's survival. Here my dog has Distemper in the brain and these guys are behaving as if I was calling about a routine check-up! What's this world coming to?

Now I will surely have to pursue media coverage to reach enough vets fast enough. There has to be at least one out there close enough for me to get to who cares! There are alot of vets in and around Atlanta and I'm sure I've just scratched the surface.

I wrote a press release tonight after seeing Carmella fall on the floor for the umpteenth time and watching her jerking so hard her whole upper body shook. (I really need to get a video of this to put here on my blog so people can see it themselves. It's not a pretty sight). These vets should have to see this and not get the option of running and hiding in their offices. Carmella gets no escape so why should they?

This press release I sent off to the News Tips e-mail of The Atlanta Journal and Constitution and I will start copying and pasting it and sending it to other news media as well.

My best friend came over today and took some pictures of me with Carmella. Carmella did not want to stay still for that, but we got a few in which she wasn't moving. Her compulsion to chew on everything and everybody was making it hard to hold her. I had to bribe her with a stick or a toy before she would even stay in my lap or right next to me for a few seconds, and when she finally did come back inside to lie down she was jerking more than ever.

As I speak she is in the kitchen chewing on a bone, all the while her head bobbing like a bouey in the water.
http://Giftbearer.etsy.com/